The Existential Blog of Overwhelming Beauty

Top 10 Radiohead Songs (Before King of Limbs)

2011-02-15T12:37:00.000-08:00

Radiohead's 8th album, The King of Limbs, will be released this Saturday on 2/19/2011. The band announced it only five days before the release date, to the surprise of everyone, and on Valentine's Day, no less! Next to nothing is known about this album -- no one knows what it might sound like, what songs are on there, or even how many songs are on the album. And the release is all the more exciting because of it.

I finally decided to take the time to pick my top-10 Radiohead songs so far. This is mostly because this task will only get harder from now on, but also because I'm waiting for some results to be generated and have some time to kill. Oh, and also because I'm out-of-my-mind excited about Saturday :-)

I've chosen not to rank them (picking them was hard enough!), but to instead present them here in "chronological" order. Enjoy!

Street Spirit [Fade Out]

All these things into position / All these things we'll one day swallow whole

The Bends is a pessimistic album. It makes its way through songs about disappointment, human fragility, and losing touch with reality. Street Spirit, the last song of the album, starts much the same way. Against painfully beautiful arpeggio, it paints scenes of alienation, frustration and finally, death -- a fitting if depressing way to close out the album. Until, of course, the very end, when suddenly, the chords change, and Thom Yorke blurts out, surprisingly and uncharacteristically, "Immerse your soul in love". The song then switches back, and ends on a lingering and uncertain note, leaving the listener stunned. Did they just sneak in a prescription for the long list of illnesses that they've painstakingly documented for an entire album? Did they really? The tiny, brief glimpse of the maybe, possibly hopeful, brings the album to a nuanced, and almost bizarrely cheerful, close.

Paranoid Android

Ambition makes you look pretty ugly / Kicking squealing gucci little piggy

Paranoid Android is the Bohemian Rhapsody of Radiohead, a three-part opus packed with crunching guitars and a somber death march. The narrator of the song is an archetypal Radiohead character -- angry, threatening, but in fact powerless and ultimately pathetic. He rains insults and disdain on all walks of life, and though he allows for a moment of grief as he finds himself alienated, the moment is brief, and the song unforgivingly kicks back into screaming high gears. The song's personality is as schizophrenic as the central character, and it's at turns crazy and beautiful.

Subterranean Homesick Alien

They'd shut me away / But I'd be all right

Radiohead takes the most beautiful theme of the alien abduction mythology -- the yearning for escape, for something better, for anything -- and makes this beautiful song. I doubt this song will show up on anyone else's top-10 list, but it is firmly on mine. It starts out quietly, with the narrator lamenting the small town where he is stuck, and wishing to be taken away. He speaks in a cautious tone, slowly and unsure of himself. But after dreaming about being taken onboard and seeing the truth, his tone suddenly turns frantic and desperate -- "I'd tell all my friends but they'll never believe me / They'd think that I've finally lost it completely / I'll show them the stars and the meaning of life" -- and then he abruptly stops, and eventually, whispers, sadly, "But they'd shut me away". And he pauses again, and then, smilingly, coyly, reassures himself -- "But I'd be all right". Breathtaking.

Exit Music (for a film)

You can laugh a spineless laugh / We hope your rules and wisdom choke you

Exit Music tells the story of a quiet personal revolution and escape. The opening scenes are tender, set in a misty dawn, when one person wakes another as they prepare for their journey ahead. The words are spoken in whispers, between the two people. But half way through the song, the music suddenly and inexplicably turns loud and oppressive, and the characters turn outwards, almost towards the listeners, accusing them, daring them. "You can laugh", they sneer; "We hope your rules and wisdom choke you". It's a chilling, powerful climax that then fades away, repeating "We hope that you choke" as they disappear into the night.

Everything in Its Right Place

Everything / In Its Right Place

OK Computer was released in 1997, and it shot Radiohead into superstardom. The band played to sold-out rock arenas everywhere. Music critics lavished praise on the album and the band, and titled Radiohead with nothing less than the savior of rock. The band couldn't handle all this pressure, and went into a meltdown (which is well-documented by the excellent film Meeting People Is Easy). They shut themselves off from the outside world. They went back to the recording studio, with the heavy burdens of impossible expectations, and began the famously torturous recording sessions post-OK Computer (documented by Ed's diary). Nobody knew what the new album would sounds like. They probably didn't know themselves. Years later, Radiohead came out of the cave with two albums worth of songs, broken up into Kid A (2000) and Amnesiac (2001).

Everything in Its Right Place is the first song of Kid A, and it is how Radiohead chose to greet the world again. Few people were prepared for the cold, electronic pulses and tone that met them, the sampled voices, nonsensical lyrics, and electric piano chopped up and mixed up, sounding like everything is decidedly not in its right place. Where are the guitars? Listeners may press on, but the other songs in the album did not offer any comfort. This weird, electro-techno-whatever album sounds nothing like OK Computer. This is Radiohead, reborn.

Everything in Its Right Place is a great song in its own right -- its electronic notes are cold yet comforting, a little sad but also very beautiful. By adding a stronger, pulsating beat to it, the band has made this song its favorite way to wrap up a live performance. But it's all the more significant because of the context mentioned above -- after this song, Radiohead is never the same again.

How to Disappear Completely

I'm not here / This isn't happening

This is probably my favorite Radiohead song, and according to Thom Yorke, it documents how he felt through the OK Computer fiasco. This is the fourth song on Kid A, and the song starts, for the first time in the album, with the strumming sound of an acoustic guitar, before quickly being accompanied and nearly overwhelmed by the ondes martenot. As more instruments join in, the songs becomes incredibly lush and beautiful, shining and shimmering all over. But just as you think the song is about to end, something goes terribly wrong. Suddenly, the notes are bent out of shape, the chords collapse into dissonance, and you look around in panic, as if this beautiful veneer you've built is suddenly melting away, revealing the ugly monster underneath, struggling to get out... But no worries. Quickly, you regain control, you pave over the monster again, and you're back to your shining, beautiful self. Nope, this isn't happening at all.

Idioteque

We're not scaremongering / This is really happening

Idioteque is the thematic counterpoint to "How to Disappear Completely" on Kid A. Unlike that earlier song, Idioteque is fast, harsh, urgent, nearly soulless and completely devoid of any comfort. It is percussion-driven by a drum machine, has very little melody, and sketches out the apocalypse that all songs from Kid A up to this point have been very vaguely referencing. And bizarrely, this concoction of difficult, strange beats and lyrics is also a fan-favorite as the danciest Radiohead song.

Pyramid Song

And we all went to heaven in a little row boat / There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt

One of a handful of songs that Thom performs in front of a piano, Pyramid Song is an other-worldly ballad that sounds incredibly lush. The imagery is beautiful -- unbelievably golden rays of light shining down as the narrator paddles towards the skies. Just sit down and listen to this.

Life in a Glass House

Of course I'd like to sit around and chat / But someone's listening in

Life in a Glass House stands out from the Radiohead canon as the jazziest song; they've never done anything like this before or since. It features jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton, and the bronze punctuates the song at every turn, commentating and arguing with Thom Yorke. The end result is a groovy, fascinating song that builds to a beautiful climax.

A Wolf at the Door

I keep the wolf from the door / But he calls me up

Hail to the Thief, the highly anticipated follow-up album to the one-two-punch of Kid A and Amnesiac, feels different. The guitars are back (kind of), and the band suddenly seems much more energetic, and increasingly at ease in blending together the two worlds of rock and electronica. The songs on the album show a new kind of confidence, and my favorite is this album closer. Unique in the Radiohead canon, it features Thom Yorke ranting and rambling fast into the microphone, moving from one platitude to the next in a stream of consciousness, and listing the various neuroses that make up modern life. The narrator becomes increasingly frustrated and desperate throughout the song at the thought of the proverbial wolf at the door, that finally, he gives up: "So I just go, ahh----", a useless, non-solution proposed in face of useless, abstract worries.

Jigsaw Falling Into Place

Wish away the nightmare / You've got a light you can feel it on your back

Okay if you've been counting, this is the eleventh song. That means technically, In Rainbows did not make it into the top-10, but I really must mention it anyway. If Hail to the Thief is Radiohead coming across a burst of new-found energy, In Rainbows is Radiohead calming down and maturing. The songs here are quieter, slower, and more restrained, but still, ethereal and beautiful. Jigsaw Falling Into Place, though, is the danciest song on the album, and my favorite. At first glance, the song seems... almost normal. It's about two people meeting each other... in a club? The date went... well? Things are... working out? "Regard each other as you pass / She looks back, you look back / Not just once / Not just twice" This is almost fun! The song eschews the typical verse-chorus-verse-chorus structure, but instead always drives forward, jumping through clever transitions from one stanza to the next. It's energetic, catchy, and yes, damned fun.

Avatar was a disappointment

2009-12-24T01:34:00.000-08:00

I did not like Avatar. This is hardly surprising; I do not like most movies. Still, I watch in horror as Avatar starts gaining some serious Oscars momentum, and I feel like I need to vent a bit. I sat down to watch I thought would be a fairly formulaic action movie that is at least expertly and entertainingly executed. But instead, I sat through a series of thwarted expectations.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Here, for example, are some basic expectations for a movie in this genre:

Bonding with nature -- Usually in these movies, the hero goes through some profound experience in which he gains appreciation for nature. But all Jake did was learn how to run around in the jungle and, indeed, overcome nature by learning how to ride and control two creatures. These are feats that could be accomplished by anyone with good hand-eye coordination, but don't really require much wisdom beyond that. Just to move the plot along though, Jake randomly (and conveniently) confessed in his video blog that he has learned to respect the planet after three months. I didn't know that; good thing he told me.
Clever underdog strategy -- Typically, in the pivotal final battle, the underdogs are out-gunned, but they come up with some clever strategy to overcome their disadvantages. As Jake said, they have the home field advantage! And apparently, the best plan they could come up with was "CHARGE!!!" And so they sent the bird warriors to attack the airships, and the riders to attack the foot soldiers, head-on, with zero strategy. In the middle of the battle, the natives retreated; Norm: "We're being gunned down!" No shit. Seriously. Even the Ewoks in Return of the Jedi took the time to make some traps!
Some cool thing at the end -- The most disappointing thing about the final battle is that it introduced absolutely nothing we hadn't seen before. No new creatures. No new weapons. When Jake gathered all the clans on the planet together, none of the clans contributed anything that was new (why bother even telling us about this?). When Eywa decided to heed Jake's call for help, she sent in the exact four creatures that we'd seen before -- more birds, more rhinos, more hounds, and that big black thing. Pandora feels unsatisfyingly tiny -- like I'd already seen everything it has to offer in the first half of the film. There's nothing here approaching the awe of, say, the forest spirit in Princess Mononoke. Avatar blew its load early, and then just kept going.

These are just some of the most basic genre pleasures that I expected to enjoy. I'm not saying that Cameron should stick more closely to formulaic elements; but in their place, he has substituted nothing. It's a movie that follows the formula, but takes away the rewards.

I don't even want to go into the smaller faults of the film -- the quickly abandoned conflict between Jake's loyalty to the military and the natives, the extremely uninspired design of the mechs and airships that are straight out of any other sci-fi movie, the always-annoying way in which Jake's betrayal was needlessly revealed, the mildly insulting way in which Jake waltzed in and became a better native than other natives (though still way less insulting than Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai), the lazy use of narration that tells but does not show, and the overall lack of subtlety in everything.

But now I sound like I'm nitpicking. The movie is beautiful to look at, and the CGI is very impressive. But it never awes, it never inspires, and ultimately, it's just not very satisfying.

Conan vs Colbert vs Stewart on Huckabee

2008-02-16T11:44:00.000-08:00

The writers' strike has produced some amazing time-wasters in light-night television. Among the best -- the multi-episode, multi-show "tiff" between Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, and Jon Stewart on who made Huckabee. Here's the series of videos for the whole thing:

Stephen Colbert, 1/16:

Conan, 1/17:

Colbert, 1/29:

Conan, 2/1:

Stewart, 2/4:

Colbert, 2/4:

Conan, 2/4

Stewart, 2/5:

Google Maps for iPod Touch!

2007-11-14T18:55:00.000-08:00

When I got Mel an iPod Touch for her birthday, I knew that the awesome Google Maps app for the iPhone wouldn't be on there. But I didn't know how poorly the Google Maps website would work on the iPod Touch -- dragging the map doesn't work, and all the navigation controls were too small and hard to hit with my finger. It also didn't redirect me to a more appropriate mobile version, and after hunting around for the super-stripped down version, I found it was, err, not "cool" enough for the friggin' iPod Touch! Google Maps Mobile also unfortunately doesn't work on the iPod (no Java :'( ). So I set about writing my own Google Maps interface for iPod Touch with the Google Maps API and the Google AJAX Search API.

I really wanted to be able to drag the map around on the iPod Touch; otherwise, it seems like such a waste of the touch screen! Unfortunately, as I understood it, the webpage doesn't get the normal drag events at all. After hunting around for a while, I found Mihai's attempt at writing a scrolling game for the iPhone and learned that though you don't get the single-finger drag events, you do get two-finger drag gestures, intended to scroll scrollable divs within a page, as scroll events. I placed the Google Maps container inside a scrolling div half its size, so you can "kind of" drag the map around by actually scrolling the containing div. When you scroll to the edge of the div, it resets the scroll position and recenters the map (almost seamless with a fast wifi connection). That works pretty well. (I've also tried translating all scroll events to map.panTo, but it was way too jerky on the iPod to be useful)

I store recent geocodable addresses in a cookie. When you want to go somewhere, you can either type it out or pick it from a drop-down box -- the iPod Touch Safari browser has a pretty nice interface for picking an item from a <select>.

Anyways, here it is! Check it out at www.grapier.com/maps.html. Here's how to use it:

Drag the map around using two fingers
Zoom in and out using the buttons on the upper left
Switch map type, or toggle traffic overlay using the menu on the upper right
Go somewhere, get driving directions, or search for businesses using the menu on the lower left
Paginate through local search or driving direction results using the left and right arrows on the bottom right. Hit the "X" button to get out of the search.
Set a business result as current location by using the pin button on the lower right after you've done a local search. You can then get driving directions to there as usual.
Open a more detailed page on a business by using the pop-out button on the lowe right after you've done a local search.
See all directions or local search results at once by scrolling down below the map after you've done a search.

Radiohead releases new album!

2007-10-02T00:13:00.000-07:00

Titled "In Rainbows", it will be available for download on October 10th, 2007. The track listing is amazing. Radiohead play-tested many of them on the road in a global tour last year; here are their videos.

CD 1

15 Step -- extremely groovy

Bodysnatchers

Nude, aka Big Ideas (don't get any) -- an old, cult-favorite that was first played live, twice, in 1998, and then never again. One of my favorite Radiohead songs!

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi -- the first song of this album that Radiohead started playing live

All I Need

Faust Arp -- no one has any idea what this is

Reckoner

House of Cards

Jigsaw Falling Into Place, aka Open Pick

Videotape -- super beautiful

CD2 (only available in the Discbox set)

Down is the New Up

Go Slowly

Last Flowers

Up on the Ladder

Bangers and Mash -- not such a big fan of this one

4 Minute Warning -- amazing

I'm search-engine optimized!

2007-08-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

Wow. Try a Google search for "existential blogs". Scroll down the page. ZOMG I'M THE TENTH RESULT!!1

Now, try a Google search for "funny existential blogs". Chances are, this blog will come up as either the first or second result!

Amazingly, this blog is already search-optimized for the keyword "existential"! Holy shit. Incredible, considering how commercial a keyword "existential" is. You'd think all the merchants would be jumping on that.

In fact, this awesome placement on Google is so effective that, just LAST MONTH, the phrase search for "existential blogs" got me TWO referrals from Google! It's a wonder I'm not already a millionaire off of this extremely well-run and interesting blog.

The Road to Cup-a-mochi-no

2007-08-25T15:19:00.001-07:00

A few weekends back, a few of my Google friends held a dessert-making contest. I used to bake a little bit (way back in high school), and decided to take a shot. Armed with what little baking knowledge was left in me, and a manic devotion to all things mochi, I created the Cup-a-mochi-no. It is -- yes -- a normal cupcake wrapped around mochi wrapped around red bean paste. It is topped off with coconut frosting and another dollop of red bean paste. And it's delicious!

The idea came easily enough -- mixing mochi with other kinds of pastry has, in the past few years, been on the forefront of Chinese-American pastry in bakeries all over southern California. In certain bakeries, you can find bread with mochi and cream, red beans or taro paste in it. And some places even sell birthday cakes that have a layer of mushi mochi in the middle of soft pound cake. It was easy to imagine such a creation, but shrunk down to cupcake-scale (though it was difficult to persuade Mel that this was a good idea!)

The whole thing is pretty straightforward to make, though very time-consuming. First, you make the red bean mochis.

The easiest recipe that I found online for mochi dough -- using sweet rice flour and a microwave and taking little more than four minutes -- worked out pretty well. Instead of using 1 cup of water, I used 3/4 cup of coconut milk and 1/4 cup of water. I bought some red beans paste from 99 Ranch instead of making my own -- the dessert is already too experimental without that! I tried to fine one with as little sugar as possible, but it was still too sweet to my taste. Next time, I'll probably make the red beans paste myself to have more control over the sweetness.

Fresh out of the microwave, the dough will be very hot and very sticky. Cover your hands, a flat board and a round roller with corn starch. Take little balls of mochi dough, flatten into wraps, insert a dollop of red bean paste, and pinch the wrap together. The wrap can hold more red bean paste than you might think -- the mochi is very flexible, so just stretch it a bit when you're pinching it close.

Next, I made the cupcake. I took this reference recipe, but cut the sugar in half (out of necessity -- I was out of sugar at that point!). I also substituted coconut milk for milk (probably not all that wise, but it turned out okay). Lacking any electrical beaters, I had to cream the butter by hand, which was hard work.

I put a spoonful of cupcake batter into the cupcake holder, plopped a piece of red bean mochi into it, and covered the mochi with more batter. Be sure not to fill it up too high, or it will overflow!

While the cupcakes are baking, I made coconut-cream frosting from this recipe. I used only 1/2 cup of powdered sugar, which was plenty. Put the frosting on the cupcakes once they're nicely baked and cooled.

Finally, decorate the cupcake with some toasted sesame seeds and almond slices, garnish with more red bean paste and some hint, and you're good to go!

We didn't win the dessert contest, but it was very yummy nonetheless :-) Here's the full slide show of pictures I took in the process. Enjoy!

FUTURAMA IS BACK

2007-08-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

One of the most brilliant shows ever created, and then brutally canceled by FOX, may have life left in it after all!

Travel photos!

2007-07-20T20:04:00.001-07:00

Randomly! Some travel photos of my recent travels... EXCITING!

First, a trip to Hawaii's Big Island with Mel at the end of April:

and a cool My Maps to go with it!

Next, a trip to China with my family at the end of May:

Pretty cool! But mostly, I wrote this blog post to test embedding Picasa web albums :-)

while (true) break;

2007-05-07T17:14:00.000-07:00

This is the saddest and, therefore, the most beautiful of code fragments:

while (true) {
  break;
}

First it starts with the promise of forever, an infinite loop with no end in sight. And then, abruptly, rudely, and immediately, all hopes are dashed and the loop is no more. You are transported suddenly from nothing, to everything, and to nothing again.

Radiohead captured the same beauty eloquently in Nude:

Now that you found it, it's gone
Now that you feel it, you don't

It's beautiful not just because it's ephemeral (what isn't?). Rather, it's beautiful because it's destroyed just as elegantly -- in a single word, in a single line of code -- as it was created.

Sausalito & Muir Woods trip with Parents

2006-12-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

We took our parents to Sausalito and Muir Woods when they came up in October. Some highlights:

OMFG THE PIRATES ARE ATTACKING0RZ!!!!11

At Muir Woods, there's this awesome plank of wood that a lot of ladybugs are inexplicably attracted to...

Yum!

Rest of the album here:

Sausalito & Muir Woods with Parents

new blogger... and now in colors!

2006-12-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

Blogger is out of beta! All sorts of cool features are included, like post labeling and an awesome new widget/template system that gives you drag-and-drop layout editing for the layman, and pretty fine-grained control (by editing an xhtml document) for those who want it.

In the process, they invented their own widget language for defining how widgets work. I don't know how wise that is, but it works reasonably well (if rather difficult to edit in the tiny provided textarea). I was easily able to show a clip of my Google Reader shared items thus: first, add an HTML/Javascript page element. Go to Google Reader, click on "Shared Items", click on "Put a clip on your website", customize your look and feel (I took away all styles), and copy-paste that HTML snippet into your Blogger HTML page element content. There's actually also a Blogger Feed page element for displaying feeds, but it can only show at most five items at a time from the feed (what's up with that?!).

I'm a bit saddened that there's no page element for showing recent posts like you could before. And the Post a Comment page is still, inexplicably, in a pop-up that totally doesn't follow the blog's styles. And I still hate writing blogs in these tiny textareas, though maybe I should start publishing from writely instead...

In any case, after some obvious amount of sweat and labor, I was finally able to gut one of the new Blogger templates and strip it down to the bare essentials with the beautiful Courier New font we all love and enjoy! And, for a bit of holiday fun, I went all crazy and added red to all the headings. It's mad, I know, I know. But I can indulge once in a while. It is the holidays after all!

patrons

2006-05-31T05:20:00.000-07:00

wrote this silliness in an hour on the flight to Taiwan... In the manner of Socrates (maybe) etc. Yuck.

Man: Look at this glass of water. Are you looking at this glass of water?

Woman: Yes, yes. It's a glass of water.

Man: Precisely. Now imagine, for a bit. Just for a while, stay with me here.

Woman: I'm with you.

Man: Pay attention now.

Woman: I'm paying attention!

Man: Imagine that everything, everything is contained in this cup of water. This house. That tree. Three branches of our government. Mount Everest. The sun. The moon. You, me. The universe. Everything.

Woman: Everything.

Man: What did I say?

Woman: Everything.

Man: That's right, everything.

Woman: In that glass of water.

Man: That's right. So then, suppose I turn this glass of water upside down. What do you suppose will happen?

Woman: The water will pour onto the kitchen floor.

Man: Will it? But...

Woman: Don't do it!

Man: I won't do it.

Woman: I just cleaned the kitchen floor.

Man: It's just water, what do you care.

Woman: Don't do it.

Man: I won't do it.

Woman: I'm warning you.

Man: I said I won't do it.

Woman: Okay then.

Man: Well, as we were, suppose I pour this water onto the kitchen floor.

Woman: Don't do it!

Man: I won't do it!

Woman: You always say you won't, but you do, you will.

Man: No I don't. I won't!

Woman: It's hard to believe you. You have a... a history.

Man: We all have history.

Woman: But it's yours I'm talking about.

Man: What's so special about my history?

Woman: You have one... Not a particularly good one. A history of going back on your words, of not doing what you promised.

Man: Please list your examples clearly and succinctly.

Woman: Last night you said you'd be back at 10, but you weren't back till midnight.

Man: I couldn't.

Woman: You said you would.

Man: But I couldn't.

Woman: Then why did you say you would?

Man: When I said I would I didn't know I couldn't.

Woman: Then why say it if you didn't know if you wouldn't know you couldn't?

Man: Uh, what?

Woman: I'm just saying, don't lie to me. Don't say anything you don't know is true.

Man: Okay okay. I won't promise anything anymore.

Woman: Nothing?

Man: Not anything. I promise.

Woman: [content] Okay.

Man: Great! Now where were we?

Woman: You were promising not to pour the water onto the kitchen floor.

Man: Ah yes, and I won't. Why would I, in any case?

Woman: Who knows why you do anything. Sometimes you really puzzle me.

Man: Well there are many reasons why I would, in fact. It's fun. It's fun to see water flow, to see it crash against the hardwood floor, to see it splash. It's dramatic. It'd make quite a show, quite a show! Much more of a show than what we have now.

Woman: But you won't do it.

Man: [signaling audience] I'm sure these good folks would appreciate a good show.

Woman: But you won't give it to them.

Man: Indeed I won't.

Woman: Because you promised.

Man: That's right, I promised.

Woman: Well, good.

Man: Funny thing, this glass of water.

Woman: Why's that?

Man: So oblivious to its own fate. Does it have any idea that it is being suspended five feet off the ground, by me and my will alone, and that with a flick of my wrist it could lose everything it had?

Woman: It doesn't have anything. It's water.

Man: Yes, yes I know it's water. But suppose it's something else. Suppose it's not just water, that it's everything. Your dog, my cat, everything in the universe. Then what?

Woman: Then the universe shatters into a million pieces as it hits our kitchen floor.

Man: Yes, well, but... But there is no kitchen floor. The kitchen floor is in the water too.

Woman: Ah, ah, I see. And the glass container as well?

Man: The glass container holding the water is also part of the universe, and as such, is in the water.

Woman: Then as it falls... but gravity, and earth, all are in the water already.

Man: That's right.

Woman: As are you, the person flipping the glass.

Man: Correct.

Woman: Then who will flip the glass?

Man: Ah, ah. Do you see?

Woman: No.

Man: It doesn't really make sense, does it?

Woman: Not really.

Man: The problem setup really defeats itself.

Woman: Yeah... So... What's your point?

Man: No point, no point. It just makes for a good show. [pours glass of water onto the floor. Blackout.]

Yosemite Trip

2006-04-10T22:42:00.000-07:00

Peter, Julie, Mel and I went to Yosemite two weekends ago... Here's the damage.

A rock with some fancy name I don't remember

An expensive-looking vista with a middle-class view I can't afford

Landmark Half Dome in the sunset...

Cross-country skiing was gorgeous on snow-covered trails

Rare picture of Julie not falling

Yosemite Falls

Humans covering up pretty scenary

More mortals obscuring the immortal

Google Reader's fairly cool sharing

2006-04-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

Google Reader now lets you share your RSS feeds. It's pretty cool; basically, you can label your feed items, and people can subscribe to your labels. So for example, if you have a friend who shares your interests and is an RSS hound, he can go through many feeds and mark only certain ones as "interesting". You, who are much busier and have, say, a job to do, can subscribe to his "interesting" label (itself a feed) to read all feed items that are interesting to him and, by extension, to you. It doesn't quite replace news aggregator blogs (no comments/discussion), but it's a lot more convenient.

Furthermore, you can have a "clip" of your label feed. I've put up a section on the sidebar with some feed items that I've found interesting. The clip comes with a few (fairly ugly) pre-determined themes, but the best part is that you can style yourself with CSS (though this is undocumented). The relevant class names used are:

The entire webclip box: div.reader-publisher-module
The header: h3
The bullets: ul/li
The source: div.s
The "Read in Google Reader" line: div.f; set display:none; if you don't want it to appear :-)

Enjoy!

Sarah Beth's awesome birthday card

2006-04-10T20:55:00.000-07:00

Sarah Beth has created this very awesome birthday card for me... I have no idea where she got the pictures, because they're definitely not my pictures.

The Bookers

2006-02-28T23:30:00.000-08:00

Not very happy with it yet, but here it is.

for Melanie, who demands that this be posted.

(A COFFEE SHOP. A WOMAN SITS AT A TABLE, STUDYING. A MAN ENTERS, AND APPROACHES THE TABLE.)

Man: Hi there.

Woman (not paying attention): Hey.

Man: Would you mind if I sit with you?

Woman: Are they out of tables again?

Man: No -- yes. Yes.

Woman: Well, okay.

(THE WOMAN REMOVES HER BOOKS FROM THE OPPOSITE CHAIR, AND THE MAN SITS. THE MAN OCCASIONALLY LOOKS UP AT THE WOMAN NERVOUSLY, AND LOOKS DOWN AGAIN WHEN THE WOMAN NOTICES. AFTER A WHILE, DETERMINED, THE MAN LOOKS UP AGAIN, READY TO SPEAK)

Man: Hey, so...

(THEY FREEZE SUDDENLY)

Announcer's Voice: "The Wise Pages of the Bookers", Chapter 3, Section 5. Unnecessary interruptions of social intent during the course of studies result in an inevitable decline into decadence.

(THEY UNFREEZE)

Woman: Mmm?

Man: What are you studying?

Woman: Stats. You?

Man: English. You look a little tired.

Woman: I am. A little.

Man: Take a break, then. It always helps to take a break.

Woman: I've been on breaks.

Man: Take another one.

Woman: Are you taking a break?

Man: I'm always taking breaks.

Woman: But you only just sat down.

Man: Sitting down is hard work.

Woman: Well, you don't have a midterm on sitting down tomorrow.

Man: No, but I do have midterms on other things.

Woman: Then why aren't you studying?

Man: I'm taking a break!

Woman: Well I don't have time for breaks.

Man: Take time. You never have time unless you reach out and take it.

Woman: I'm all out of time.

Man: Take my time! I'll give you some time.

Woman: That doesn't help; it takes my time to use your time.

Man: Well, that's the best I can do.

Woman: That's not good enough.

Man: What would be good enough?

Woman: Not taking a break.

Man: But I'm already on break.

Woman: I'm not on break.

Man: You've been on break all this time.

Woman: Because you've been wasting my time.

Man: So you might as well take a proper break.

Woman: No, now I have to...

Man: Ten minutes. Come on.

Woman (pause): Well, okay.

Man: Good. Doesn't that feel better?

Woman: It doesn't matter how I feel now. Only how I feel after I take my test.

Man: You're too fixated on the future. Just imagine all that the present has to offer. Just think of all the things you're missing when you're looking over there instead of (POINTING TO SELF) looking over here.

Woman (pause): I'm not missing much.

Man: Ouch.

Woman: Too easy.

Man: Had to be said.

Woman: Sorry.

Man: So how is stats coming along.

Woman: It's barely coming at all.

Man: No?

Woman: I just hope I don't fail the test tomorrow.

Man: Are you going to fail the test tomorrow?

Woman: Yes -- no. No, I don't think so.

Man: Then why are you worried?

Woman: I'm not -- well, I am. But I'm not -- not that worried.

Man: Well good.

Woman: I just don't want to disappear.

Man: You won't disappear.

Woman: Be one of those people in my class who fail one of the midterms, and then are never heard from again, disappear from the class, drop off the face of the earth, the chairs they used to sit in now empty, stamped by their own inadequacy, signed by the passing murmurs of those barely scraping by.

Man: You won't disappear.

Woman: I want to do the murmuring. Not the disappearing. I want to be here to murmur.

Man: You won't disappear.

Woman: How do you know that?

Man: Because I'm here.

Woman: So?

Man: You won't disappear from me.

Woman (pause): I'm afraid I have a slightly different definition for...

Man: So what are you up to, now that you're done studying?

Woman: What? I'm not done studying.

Man: You just told me you're not worried.

Woman: Yeah, if I keep on studying...

Man (overlapping): So I'm thinking, a movie.

Woman: What?

Man: Let's go catch a movie.

Woman: I -- no, no I can't. I have to study. I'm already taking a break!

Man: Take a longer break.

Woman: No. No, no, no. I have to study. Now. And the break's over.

Man: Fine.

(THEY RESUME STUDYING FOR A WHILE)

Woman (carefully): So, what movie?

(THEY FREEZE)

Announcer's Voice: And so they went off to watch a movie, in direct opposition to the gentle yet stern teachings of the Bookers. On the way to the theater, they ran five red lights and bought alcohol for fourteen-year-olds. They snuck into the movie theater without paying for tickets, but the man was caught and thrown in jail, where he was gang-raped by six large men. The woman took the test the following day, failed, and disappeared off the face of the earth. Her classmates murmur to this day, referring to her as She Who Disobeyed the Bookers. Yet it needs not be like this, according to various clauses from "The Wise Pages of the Bookers", Chapter 3, Section 6. First, the early disengagement. Rewind, correct.

(THEY UNFREEZE)

Man: Hi there.

Woman (not paying attention): Hey.

Man: Would you mind if I sit with you?

Woman: Are they out of tables again?

Man: No -- yes. Yes.

Woman: Well, okay.

Man: Hey, so...

Woman: Mmm?

Man: What are you studying?

Woman: Stats. You?

Man: English. You look a little tired.

Woman: Why, not at all! I feel knowledge running through my veins, its gentle rhythms bringing me closer and closer to ecstasy itself, its harmony filling my very being with beauty and truth.

Man: You are absolutely right! I now see the errors of my comment and hang my head in shame in front of the glorious Bookers!

Woman: Bookers fill us!

Man: Bookers light us!

Woman: Praise be the Bookers!

Man and Woman (together): PRAISE BE THE BOOKERS!

(THEY FREEZE)

Announcer's Voice: Praise be the Bookers indeed! Their hands fill us with knowledge, their will lights us with joy. Their gentle hearts guide us to the Proper Path, their kind souls forgive our procrastination. They...

(THE ANNOUNCER IS SUDDENLY SILENT. LIGHTS DIM SLIGHTLY. MAN AND WOMAN UNFREEZE.)

Man: I walked into the cafe, and the first person I saw was you. There's something about you, something around you. I couldn't look away. It was impossible to look away. There were other seats around, but I had to sit with you.

Woman: I noticed you the moment you walked into this place, introduced by the metal bells swung lightly around the door knob. You looked at me, and looked away, and looked at me again. There were other seats around, but I wished you would sit with me.

Man: I approached you, trembling, a little. Would you mind if I sit with you?

Woman: I sounded reasonable. I had to sound reasonable. Is it because they're out of tables?

Man: Of course it is. Why else -- why else would I want to sit next to you, to you, to you?

(THEY FREEZE. LIGHTS ON FULL. THE ANNOUNCER CONTINUES)

Announcer's Voice: They protect us from earth's sorrows, they shield us from devil's ignorance. Praise be the Bookers!

Man and Woman (without moving): Praise be the Bookers!

Announcer's Voice: Chapter 3, Section 7. Harsh words cross points. Rewind, correct.

(THEY UNFREEZE)

Man: Take time. You never have time unless you reach out and take it.

Woman: I'm all out of time.

Man: Take my time! I'll give you some time.

Woman: That doesn't help; it takes my time to use your time.

Man: Well, that's the best I can do.

Woman: That's not good enough.

Man: What would be good enough?

Woman: Not taking a break.

Man: But I'm already on break.

Woman: I'm not on break.

Man: You've been on break all this time.

Woman: Because you've been wasting my time.

Man: So you might as well take a proper break.

Woman: No, now I have to...

Man: Ten minutes. Come on.

Woman: Look, just because you don't mind failing your midterms and dropping out of college and ending up sleeping in a dirty ditch where you'll lose one arm to gangrene until one day when a wild dog decides you smell like bacon and starts chewing your leg off and you try to fight it off except you can't because you only have one arm and all you could do with your arm is to pet it encouragingly as it bites into your leg like a breakfast burrito with too much beans and too much sauce and so you try to cry for help except all the words coming out of your mouth make no sense because you did not study for your English midterm -- just because of that -- doesn't mean I don't either.

Man: You're absolutely right! Such a quoting of "The Wise Pages of the Bookers"! Such beautiful prose! Such true words! I had indeed gone astray!

Woman: Then worry not, astray-goer! For the Bookers will lead you back into the light!

Man: Bookers save us!

Woman: Bookers guide us!

Man: Praise be the Bookers!

Man and Woman (together): PRAISE BE THE BOOKERS!

(THEY FREEZE)

Announcer's Voice: Praise be the Bookers, indeed! They show us our naked ignorant selves and transform us into shining beings. They make us stronger. They make us wiser. They...

(ANNOUNCER IS SUDDENLY SILENT AGAIN. LIGHTS DIM. THEY UNFREEZE)

Woman: How I longed to keep talking to you.

Man: What is there to talk about?

Woman: But it doesn't matter. How I longed to keep talking to you.

Man: I finally got you to talk to me.

Woman: But how I longed to keep talking!

Man: Take time. You never have time unless you reach out and take it.

Woman: I would -- I want to -- but I'm all out of time.

Man: Take my time! Take anything. Take everything.

Woman: That doesn't help.

Man: That's the best I can do.

Woman: It does help. A little.

Man: Good, because that's the best I can do.

Woman: The best you can is good enough.

(THEY FREEZE AGAIN; LIGHTS ON FULL)

Announcer's Voice: Let their brilliant light show us the path to eternal glory! Let their ringing truth bridge us to everlasting peace! Bask in their magnificent manificence! Praise be the Bookers!

Man and Woman: Praise be the Bookers!

Announcer's Voice: Again, from Chapter 3, Section 8. The incessant rejection. Repeat, correct.

(THEY UNFREEZE)

Man: So what are you up to, now that you're done studying?

Woman: What? I'm not done studying.

Man: You just told me you're not worried.

Woman: Yeah, if I keep on studying...

Man (overlapping): So I'm thinking, a movie.

Woman: What?

Man: Let's go catch a movie.

Woman: No.

Man: A show?

Woman: No.

Man: Let's go sing karaoke.

Woman: No.

Man: Dinner?

Woman: No.

Man: Let's go smoke out.

Woman: No.

Man: Have you tried shooting heroine?

Woman: No.

Man: So I hear there's an orgy going on tonight...

Woman: No.

Man: You wanna set the school on fire?

Woman: No.

Man: A few friends of mine, we're going to sneak into a hospital, steal some babies and skull-fuck them. Wanna come?

Woman: No.

Man: Let's go register to be Republicans.

Woman: Fuck you.

(THEY FREEZE)

Announcer's Voice: Excellent! Well done, all around. The incessant rejection of all things that do not flow naturally from the Bookers' tongue is the essential protection against decadence and failure. There are three kinds of incessance and three kinds of rejection...

(LIGHTS DIM)

Man: But I'll go anywhere with you.

Woman: I'll do anything with you.

Man: What about a movie?

Woman: But I need to study.

Man: Do you need to study?

Woman: I don't want to disappear.

Man: You're not going to disappear.

Woman: How do you know that?

Announcer's Voice (in the background): BOOKERS FILL US!

Man: Because I'm here.

Woman: So?

Man: So I'm here.

Woman: So?

Man: So I'm here.

Woman: That's good.

Man: It's the best I can do.

Woman: That's good enough.

Announcer's Voice (in the background): BOOKERS LIGHT US!

Man: Or we can stay here and study.

Woman: I'll go anywhere.

Man: I'll do anything.

Woman: What does the present have to offer?

Man: You're not missing much.

Announcer's Voice (in the background): BOOKERS SAVE US!

Woman: I don't know what I'm missing.

Man: You won't know until you miss it.

Woman: There's too many things to miss.

Man: Too little time to miss them all.

Woman: I don't have enough time.

Man: You can have mine. You can have me.

Announcer's Voice (in the background): BOOKERS GUIDE US!

Woman: Is that the best you can do?

Man: It'll have to be good enough.

Woman (pause): It's good enough.

(LIGHTS FADE)

middle class guilt

2006-02-04T21:09:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess things have happened to me recently.

I just got my Prius 2006. Google sponsors $5000 for the purchase of a Prius, and with a tax credit of $3000 given out for those purchased in the early part of 2006, it's really a pretty good deal. It's a bit too trendy, I concur -- it did take me a year before I reluctantly started using the iPod that Google gave me -- but for once, partaking in a trend actually benefits the environment. How convenient.

On the morning after I picked up my Prius, I was rear-ended.

I hate driving new cars, for all the obvious reasons. I'm happy whipping my '97 Corola around, but whenever I'm driving my Prius, I can't stop picturing a wayward car ramming directly into my side, killing me instantly and worse, cracking the paint and requiring thousands to repair. Sadness falls upon the earth. At my funeral, people gather and whisper softly to each other, "that car only had 300 miles on it, tops. Imagine how much it'll cost to repaint." For me, it seems that middle class guilt will not only be repaid with an ironic loss of things I've purchased to secure my middle class status. On top of that, there must always be certain, horrible death.

These are the thoughts that occupied me as I pulled up to the intersection, stopping at the red light. A few moments, a jerk and a bump later, I was outside of my car investigating the dent.

It happened in East Palo Alto, the slums of the Bay Area. Accordingly, as I got out of my car to face the perpetrator of our little accident, I was met with the most polite resident of EPA, incredibly worried and profusely apologetic. I was dazed and confused, trying to calm him down while jotting down his phone and license plate numbers. There was only the smallest of dents on my rear bumper, and I said my good-bye quickly, with a promise to call him later today. I drove away with a smirk. Middle class guilt. Ha! I only got a little dent!

I got a quote from a local auto body shop for repairing the bumper. It was a breath-taking six hundred bucks. Jorge had braked at the light, but with the ground being wet -- and Californians being unaccustomed to rain -- his car slid forward regardless, and gently bumped into mine. The damage was small enough that he really didn't want the insurance companies to be involved. But six hundred bucks? I didn't think he could pay six hundred bucks. And I know this because he lives in EPA, drives a beat-up mustang, and can't-afford-six-hundred-bucks was the best stereotype I could come up with.

I called him with a cringe. "Six hundred dollars." Silence followed. Inevitably he spoke up. "I, it was, it was such a small dent. I don't think it's worth six hundred dollars."

Of course it wasn't. Middle class guilt is now dancing in the room, flashing stereotypes before my eyes. A decent, poor but hard-working man with a bit of bad luck, running into a new, yuppie car of middle class me, who demands unreasonable repair costs to keep his precious car spanking new, and the man spanking poor. The six hundred bucks will take him months to accumulate, and will be used in service of keeping the rich rich and the poor poor. It's like forcing someone who lost both legs as a child to lick your toe.

"I think it's too expensive too", I followed quickly. "Tell you what, I'll try going to a few different auto body shops and see if I can't find a better price."

Anything to make the toe more palatable, I guess.

A few days and many moments later, we stood at another auto body shop. The repairman offered to pop out the dent for sixty bucks, and we quickly agreed to the attempt. He tried, and he failed. The dent is less obvious, but still very much in existence.

"I could also sand it down and repaint it, which will make it look brand new", the repairman offered. "That'll take $350."

All eyes were on me. Am I going to leave it be, accept the existing but hard-to-spot dent and cost Jorge only $60, or be an asshole and demand the full $350?

"It's really pretty hard to spot", Jorge noted. "But I understand it's brand new, and I understand if you want to sand it down. I just want to do the right thing here."

I can see him lifting his head off the floor, pulling his body forward with his arms, his only means of transport. The right thing for him to do would be to pay the costs necessary to restore my car to the same condition as before the accident. But what's the right thing for me to do?

I hesitated. I didn't care about the dent, really -- God knows many of them are on the way. But it felt like he should pay the $350. It felt like that's how responsibilities fall. That's how the world works. I took off my socks and lifted up my foot.

"I think...", I cringed, and kept cringing as I said it. "I think I'd like to sand it down." The foot is right before his face, his neck strained to meet it in the air.

"Okay", he muttered. He took out his wallet, and counted his money. One hundred, two hundred, three hundred.

One lick, two licks, three.

Yes, I'm a terrible person. I promised to get him a Google shirt, to decorate him with the emblem of my success, a mockery of a sympathetic gesture. The shirt should say, "I licked a middle-class man's toe, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." On the back of the shirt will be a sticker, secretly and jokingly applied by me, that says "This man is poor. Kick him."

And so the affair ends. Middle class guilt sits across from me in the room, smirking. "You'll never be rid of me", it mouths, completely satisfied with the loud, droning noise as the system churns forward. Before disappearing into thin air for a while, it blinked, its eyes shining with the promise of my demise, an ironic, justifying collapse of my economic status.

Oh, and certain, horrible death.

me talk one day

2006-01-29T17:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it's been a while.

I am currently a victim of a series of impeccably timed mistakes, all small but fatal. I had decided that today -- yes, today! -- would be the day when I finally work on my personal statement. I had been asking around for a nice cafe for this purpose, and was recommended this one. Unfortunately, I had been running my laptop without recharging it for a while -- my first mistake. I didn't realize that there are no power outlets in this cafe for my laptop -- my second mistake. I ordered a hot cup of coffee -- my third mistake. And I didn't bring anything but my laptop with me -- my forth mistake.

And so here I am, sitting at my table, with my laptop about to run out of power in 30 minutes, a cup of coffee too hot for me to gulp down, and nothing else for me to do. At last, the only productive thing to work on is writing a draft for this blog entry. And so here it is.

And yes, it's been a while.

Clearly, I'm terrible at this blogging thing -- only in the most unfortunate of circumstances do I grudgingly write up an entry. Yet there is little for me to write about, my daily details too mundane, creative writing too time-consuming (and its stench too relentless). Nowadays, I can barely formulate a proper sentence without giving myself a hernia, my thoughts too jumbled and abstract to be tied down in words (at least, by a writer as terrible and lazy as myself). I have thought much, but mostly of tree structures in javascript, of things I should be doing but aren't, of the never-ending backlog of things I need to get to but won't. It's been exhausting.

And it's been like that for a while.

In situations like this, you wonder why you're so much more stressed out than you really need to be. But when all the answers you can find are unsatisfactory, behind them lurking the promise of this lasting into eternity, you get more stressed out. You tell yourself that it'll be better after the next milestone, and it does, but only until another milestone looms on the horizon. The milestones make for neat paper weights, paper or otherwise, and you watch, without much pride, as they build slowly into a very tall tombstone.

I just realized that a blank piece of paper invites me to think somber thoughts. It's the middle-class my-life-is-so-tragic symdrome. Also, I didn't even bring a power cable with me, so scratch the no-power-outlet mistake, and substitute in this one.

Perhaps that's why it's been such a while.

Missed Connections

2005-09-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

because I have nothing better to do, I wrote this:

(BUS STATION. A MAN AND A WOMAN, WAITING. THEY ALTERNATE BETWEEN NERVOUS GLANCES AT THE GROUND AND AT EACH OTHER.)

Man (finally with some nerve): Hey.

Woman (relieved): Hello.

Man: Slow bus.

Woman: Slow.

Man: Slow in coming.

Woman: Yeah.

Man: Not necessarily slow.

Woman: I know.

Man: Because, you know. It's only slow in coming, because it's not coming, or hasn't been coming, or rather, it's going to come, but it hasn't because it's slow, but not because it's physically slow because who knows how physically slow it is, but it's just slow relative to when it's supposed to be... coming.

Woman (already regretting this): Yeah okay.

Man (realizes his mistake): But, you know, not that it matters.

Woman: It doesn't matter.

Man: No, it really doesn't matter.

Woman: What you said.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: I meant, what you meant doesn't matter.

Man: I know.

Woman: Because, you know, it really doesn't matter what you meant when you said that the bus is slow, but it does matter that the bus is indeed slow, or slow in coming, or whichever, because we are standing here waiting for the slow, slow-in-coming bus, and that matters, not what you said.

Man (also regretting this): Uh, yeah.

Woman (realizes her mistake): Oh, sorry.

Man: What for?

Woman: Oh, nothing.

Man: I'm sorry too. Also for nothing.

Woman: Then you shouldn't need to be sorry.

Man: I just like the feeling.

Woman: Of being sorry?

Man: Of standing here. Next to you.

Woman (pause): Excuse me?

Man: I'm sorry.

Woman: What for?

Man: Oh, nothing.

Woman: I'm sorry too.

(LONG PAUSE.)

Man: So where are you going?

Woman: On the bus.

Man: Where on the bus?

Woman: Probably the back.

Man: I mean where, umm, where do you get off?

Woman: Probably the front.

Man: Me too.

Woman: It's the best way.

Man: Sometimes, it's the only way.

Woman: Not often though.

Man: Not ever, really.

Woman: Not really.

Man: Are you hungry?

Woman: Not really.

Man: Me neither.

Woman: But I love you.

Man: Then why did you leave me?

Woman (suddenly hysterical): I didn't mean to! I was going to find you! I was going to meet you exactly where we were supposed to meet! But I couldn't! I couldn't get there on time! The bus -- the bus was slow. It was slow in coming, and when I finally got on the back and got off the front, you were gone, you were gone, no where to be seen. The air was filled with your cruelty. Or mine. I couldn't tell, but you were gone. But I loved you.

Man: I wish my girlfriend didn't leave me.

Woman (normal): Your girlfriend left you?

Man: She will.

Woman: Is it a surprise?

Man: Not much of one.

Woman: What happened?

Man: Missed connections.

Woman: Isn't it always.

Man: It is.

Woman: Shit. The bus is really late. I'm going to be really late.

Man: Where are you going?

Woman: Down the line. I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Man: Really.

Woman: Or, I was supposed to. About thirty minutes ago. But the bus -- it -- I need it. I need to get on the bus to find him.

Man: It's coming.

Woman: It's going to be too late.

Man: It's coming.

Woman: It's going to be too late!

Man: It's coming!

(THE BUS COMES)

Woman (jumping onto the bus): Thank GOD! Aren't you getting on?

Man: No. I'm waiting for someone, actually.

Woman: Who is it?

Man: My girlfriend. She was supposed to get here thirty minutes ago.

Woman: Well, the bus is running late.

Man: Yeah I guess so. I hope she's coming.

Woman: Are there reasons she wouldn't?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Well, good luck. I hope she comes.

Man: She won't. I hope you find your boyfriend in time.

Woman: I won't.

Man: Well, blame it on the bus.

Woman: Fucking bus.

Man: Missed connections.

Woman: Isn't it always.

Man: It is this time.

(THE BUS DOOR SHUTS. LIGHTS DIM.)

Look, I have a blog!

2005-09-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

Okay okay I'll update it once in a while...

when I'm feeling melancholy...

2005-08-15T01:03:00.000-07:00

It's one of the rare times when I'd race home to play my guitar, pray that no one's at home, and sing my brains out. Depression. It's good to sing. It's like screaming, but with an excuse. Talking to myself, but for good reasons. And it feels like crying, a little.

waking the unwakable

2005-07-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Jeff once again shows his committment to intense labor

Mike foolishly attempts to wake Jeff

Mike is proven to be foolish

Mike threatens Jeff with the marker of shame, to no avail

while Chung takes the proper approach

Aggravated, Chung turns from markers of shame...

to detachable Soda alcove chair arm of shame

but Mike shows Chung how it's really done

classic woody allen interview

2005-07-21T23:11:00.000-07:00

Interviewer: "What is Bananas about, Woody?"

Woody: "The film is about the lack of substance in my movie."

Interviewer: "You mean in America?"

Woody: "No, there's lots of substance in America, The theme is that the film is empty. The lack of substance puts you to sleep. It's an hour and a half nap."

Interviewer: "Why have you made it then?"

Woody: "To confuse my enemies who, are legion."

Interviewer: "And what do they want?"

Woody: "To make me think like them."

Interviewer: "Which is what, exactly?"

Woody: "Numerically."

Interviewer: "And you think?"

Woody: "In letters, usually."

a typical cs174 homework session...

2005-07-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

Jeff: Sure, I know all about CS174!

Jeff: This is what CS174 is all about.

Mike: Actually, the expectation of X is proportionally significant to the covariance of Y given X and...

Chung: Uh, that's great, Mike... I'll just point to this. Right, Jeff?

Jeff: .......

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (9)

2005-07-17T22:52:00.000-07:00

The new Chocolate Factory film is awesome. This is Tim Burton's most enjoyable film in years.

Tim Burton applies his visual magic yet again. He's an uneven director, having made some great films (Edward the Scissorhand, Big Fish, Batman, Nightmare Before Christmas) and some terrible ones (Mars Attacks!, Planet of the Apes). But his films are consistently stunning. When you attend a Burton film, you accept that you might not like it, but you expect to be blown away by its unique, quirky and nontheless stunning visuals.

In that, the film hardly disappoints. The movie opens in London and follows Charlie around in a somewhat Gothic re-imagining of the well-known city. The interiors of the factory are no less striking, filled to the brims with details complete with bold, primary colors. The camera jumps around with delightful agility, and the scenes confirm that Burton seems to construct his films through set pieces. Simply, the film is pure eye candy.

Yet it's not completely shallow. Clearly it has no deeper meaning than the obvious morals, and Charlie pretty much completely disappears in the middle of the film as each kid gets his or her just desserts. But the beginning and the end of the film, where Charlie gets to look cute and precocious by uttering heart-warming aphorisms about the importance of family are surprisingly effective. Sure, his family (and indeed, he himself) are not well developed characters, but we don't care. We are ready to love them anyway.

This is a film that could've gone terribly wrong. It brings in Willy Wonka's back story as a child of a dentist. But instead of being overly sentimental, the flashbacks in history are mercifully brief, to the point, and, indeed, bring about some of the funniest scenes in the film.

And Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka is creepy and weird. But instead of being off-putting and irritating, he is quirky, lovable and very very funny.

In fact, this is probably the funniest movie I've seen all year. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp's quirky sense of humor is in full swing here, and if you're in the mood, like I was, this film is funny. Very funny. And clever, on top of that. There is a great reference to Edward Scissorhand toward the beginning (the first Burton-Depp collaboration) that no one seems to get. There is a clever parody of 2001: A Space Odyssey when you least expect it. And there is the film constantly making fun of itself, its cinematic devices and the story's illogical technologies. This film is a joy.

Burton had been in kind of a lull recently, but with Big Fish and now this, he has earned back my confidence. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is an inconsequential film, mere confectionary of no importance. But boy does it taste great.

Crash (7/10)

2005-07-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

I am torn. Here is a truly spectacular film that fails miserably in what it tries to do. Roger Ebert is fond of saying that movie reviews are "not about what the film is about, but about how the film is about what it is about". I don't completely subscribe to that notion (certainly what a film is trying to say will have to factor into how much I like it). And Crash fails the former and succeeds in the latter.

It is beautiful filmmaking, without doubt. The scenes are tense, wonderfully edited and accompanied by the most heart-breaking music. It is an impressive debut from directors Haggis and Moresco, and they do everything right here. There is especially a scene involving a little girl and a gun that you start to expect from the beginning of the film, but turn out to not be what you expected at all. It's breathtaking.

But the film mainly serves to tackle the problem of racism in the LA area, and as such, it is a miserable failure. Whenever dialogue touches upon racism, the film oozes with an inappropriate sense of self-pride. Every turn, when a character speaks a (rather forced and unconvincing) racist slang, the film turns to us and gleefully says, "see? see? Can you believe these people are saying the darnedest things?" As such, these scenes turn into a parade of "racist just to be racist", and "shocking just to be shocking" scenes.

Not to say the film doesn't have any valuable insights into the racial dynamics of the LA area. It does an adequate job of portraying the power struggle between the whites and the blacks. But the other ethnicities get short-changed. The hispanics have no depth of culture except they are stereotypically against stereotype. And the middle-eastern man (forgot the nationality) hardly dredges up any sense of sympathy. And wouldn't you know it, the Asians are completely screwed over once again, with fewer than then lines of dialogue, some of which are used to portray Asians women as stereotypically argumentative, unreasonable jerks, and others are used to portray Asians as stereotypically greedy and unethical. If Asians can't even get their fair share in a movie about racism in LA (where Asians make up a large portion of the population), then we truly have no hope in the near future.

And so I'm very impressed by the filmmaking, but dismissive of what the film is trying to do. What the film is about is unfair, childish and (ironically) simply stereotypical, but the film is beautiful going about it.

M$ supports anti-discrimination bill again

2005-05-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

And it's just flip, flop, flip.

Three cheers for M$, though, for so publicly and bravely promoting gay rights within its company.

super dorky profile

2005-05-03T02:07:00.000-07:00

[this post has been officially censored by yang]

more on M$ and gay anti-discrimination bill

2005-05-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

And now, from the other side. Scary.

in the heat of the argument

2005-05-02T02:02:00.000-07:00

All friendly debates start friendly, and most end friendly. But some reach an elusive boiling point. After this point, the debate is no longer about what you're arguing at all, but for some reason, about trying to hurt the other person as much as possible (under the mere disguise of intellectual masturbation). Every remark turns snide, designed to hit you personally where it hurts.

The worst thing about these debates is that you never thought your friend could be so mean and nasty to you (and probably vice versa). The best thing is that, once you move past the pain, you'll probably never argue again.

on asian stereotypes pt. 1 (or: Panda Expresses vs. PF Chang's)

2005-04-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

Ever since a sophomore theater class, when a TA told me that it's not okay to call asians "oriental", I've become somewhat sensitive on the subject. And now, in my film class on Japanese auteurs, where I constantly read European criticisms of Japanese cinema (and am constantly exposed to my professor's distaste for it), I seem to have a radar out for western fetishization of eastern culture. People (even asians) often don't find this an issue. But my thoughts can be summed up in a shocking comparison between Panda Express and PF Chang's.

YOU WILL BE SHOCKED if you read the following post with a finger in the electrical outlet.

Consider the Panda Express, the emblematic Chinese fast food restaurants. The mere mention of the name brings a cringe to any self-respecting chinese. They sell food laid out in trays cooked in the most exaggerated versions of popular asian sauces -- sweet & sour, mandarin, or teryaki. And everything is either fried or drenched in oil. Clearly, the target audience here is Americans. I mean, seriously, when the hell did orange become one of the primary flavors associated with Chinese food? The restaurant has taken all the Chinese dishes, looked at what is most different from American dishes, and exaggerated the differences 100 times, in fear that the poor white kid eating this stuff won't realize it's Chinese. This is fetishizing at its finest. It cheapens the Chinese culinary arts down to three sauces, makes Chinese cuisine look easy, and bets that Americans won't be able to tell the difference. In fact, it makes the bet that Americans will like the fetishized version of Chinese food even better. Because of this -- and because the food is crap -- we hate Panda Express.

And then there's the PF Chang's of the world. PF Chang is actually not a good example, but I'm talking about certain expensive, lavishly-decorated and up-scale Chinese restaurants in general. There are large calligraphies hanging on the wall. Dividers with Chinese paintings dot the room. And frigging stone lions guard the entrance. These places cannot help to keep hitting you over the head with the fact that you are dining in a chinese restaurant. But is this so bad, if the food is good?

These restaurants are businesses after all; therefore, their intention is not to educate customers on Chinese culture, but to attract customers hungry for Chinese food. As a result, the decorations are there to create an atmosphere that is emphatically, undeniably Chinese -- or, at least, Chinese according to the Americans. Will they know it's Chinese if there aren't calligraphies on the wall? Will they know it's Chinese if we don't give them fortune cookies at the end? Most of the customers don't actually care about Chinese culture; they just want to satisfy their thirst for the exotic, the unfamiliar, for one night. And so these restaurants wrap up Chinese culture neatly into a marketing package and sell it to customers interested in indulging in Chinese for a night. The package therefore is a highly fetishized version of the Chinese culture, and there is something very unsettling about that to me.

Is it the restaurants' fault? Not really; they are a business after all, and they do what they can to attract customers. It is the customers' fault? Not exactly; god knows I've done it countless times to countless other cultures. But this is my culture, damn it! If I don't raise the issue, who will? How can I stand on the sidelines and watch my beloved culture cheapened and solicited on the street, like a prostitute with too much make-up or Yang's mother after 10pm? I can't, and I won't.

We don't see this demonstrated to an extreme often. Living in the Bay Area has spoiled us; we are usually surrounded by ethnically-enlightened people and businesses, and don't get fetishized packages shoved down our throat. But if you venture a little farther away, you start running into these things.

Another thing. Why can up-scale Italian/French/etc. restaurants have a hip, modernist decoration that is ethnicity-agnostic, while an up-scale Chinese restaurant must be decorated in a fetishized manner? Etc., etc. I could go on and on about this, but it's getting late...

do I cry wolf?

2005-04-24T23:35:00.000-07:00

A conversation today with yang:

[08:36:35PM] sorta lame: i thought you had a paper fool

[11:10:46PM] TheGrape30: 0 pages

[11:10:56PM] sorta lame: hahaaha
[11:10:59PM] sorta lame: yeah right
[11:11:01PM] sorta lame: you liar
[11:11:06PM] sorta lame: why do you lie so much
[11:11:08PM] sorta lame: straight to my face

[11:11:10PM] TheGrape30: it's true!
[11:11:12PM] * TheGrape30 sobs
[11:11:15PM] TheGrape30: I have nothing to show
[11:11:17PM] TheGrape30: NOTHING

[11:11:17PM] sorta lame: stfu

[11:11:27PM] TheGrape30: I'm so sad

[11:11:27PM] sorta lame: this is how it usually goes:
[11:17:18PM] sorta lame:
you: i have nothing!! oh, cruel life!!!
me: really??
you: it's true! ... well, actually, i managed to write 10 pages more than their suggested length, so i guess it's not that bad.
me: ugh...
you: but they're such crappy pages!
me: really? why are they crappy?
you: cuz they're crappy!
me: oh... [some more pity]
you: mm...well i guess my writing is actually not crappy at all. in fact, it's probably pretty brilliant.
me: UGH
you: but i chose such an ugly font! they'll definitely fail me now!
me: [cocks a gun]

[11:17:53PM] sorta lame: i know your pattern, you sumvabitch
[11:18:08PM] sorta lame: i'm not falling in your trap this time!!!

I decided to forward this to Mike. His response:

[11:34:37PM] mikeyu120: THAT IS SO TRUE!!!
[11:34:46PM] mikeyu120: *SO* true
[11:35:11PM] mikeyu120: haha

[11:36:05PM] TheGrape30: no it's not!!

[11:37:54PM] mikeyu120: yes it is!

[11:38:09PM] TheGrape30: it's much truer of you

[11:38:12PM] mikeyu120: but yang didn't quite finish

[11:38:19PM] TheGrape30: I am completely honest about my incompetence

[11:39:07PM] mikeyu120: you: but i chose such an ugly font! they'll definitely fail me now!
me: [cocks a gun]

you: I got a 900%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and my professor invited me to her house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[11:39:47PM] TheGrape30: hahaha
[11:39:51PM] TheGrape30: completely untrue!

[11:44:00PM] mikeyu120: did i tell you that the teacher played my piano "song" for the class on friday?
[11:44:04PM] mikeyu120: he played like 3-4 others too
[11:44:09PM] mikeyu120: mine was so embarassing

[11:44:31PM] TheGrape30: please
[11:44:36PM] TheGrape30: yours embarrassed everyone else
[11:44:44PM] TheGrape30: I played your song this weekend to cheer me up
[11:44:49PM] TheGrape30: reminds me of amadeus

[11:44:54PM] mikeyu120: lol

[11:45:20PM] TheGrape30: but then it really just depressed me for my complete lack of talent

[11:45:39PM] mikeyu120: you: i'm so depressed.... i got only an 800% last test. and my research isn't going so well... i might have lost my chance for a turing award this year... better play this song to remind me how dumb others are

[11:45:56PM] TheGrape30: hahaha
[11:46:08PM] TheGrape30: dude you guys have such a skewed view of how I think!

[11:46:14PM] mikeyu120: you: hahahahah... man that composer sucks... must've been on drugs... and the best part, he wasn't on drugs! he just sucks!

[11:46:22PM] TheGrape30: haha

[11:46:40PM] mikeyu120: well if all your friends think this way...
[11:47:03PM] mikeyu120: maybe it's not your friends who are skewed...

[11:47:13PM] TheGrape30: it's my enemies!

I (heart) Life Aquatic

2005-04-24T11:57:00.000-07:00

Saw Life Aquatic again last night, and it was even more amazing than the first time. Am I the only one who thinks that every single frame contains a joke, every single frame is funny? This movie is ridiculously rich with gags and is the funniest film of 2004 for me. Many are bound to disagree though. During the viewing -- as aspected -- only some vocal few, like me, were laughing constantly. The others were probably lost, wondering exactly what we were laughing at.

It's the awkwardness! That Bill Murray, comedic genius, looks awkward here in every frame without trying. Every line is delivered with perfect irony, even those that aren't exactly jokes. The result is a film that's at least chuckle-worthy around every turn.

Plus, the last chapter, the hunt for the jaguar shark, brings out a sense of wonder and amazement that I have not seen replicated any where else for a long time! This is especially telling, since the claymation here creates more awe than three expensive episodes of Lord of the Ring ever managed. Ah, the brilliance.

It also reminded me of Garden State. Both are very quirky films, but Garden State succumbs to sentimentality at the end, while Life Aquatic sternly keeps its critical distance. Even the scenes of tragedy are done with NO sentimentality at all; the camera sits far back from the scene and views the characters silently, aloofly. But boy, is this effective! Garden State's last 30 minutes are nearly mind-numbing in its insistence on resolving everything in an emotionally-satisfying manner, but it is Life Aquatic's indifferent stance that creates a much stronger emotional response.

I've always been a fan of the "critical distance". Ozu, the Japanese auteur, always tells his actors to underact, to express no emotions, and his films are all the more human because of it.

Because, as we all know, the hiding of emotions is the saddest act of all.

M$'s stance re: anti-discrimination law

2005-04-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, there's a somewhat reasonable explanation from Ballmer about M$'s switch. I guess we really shouldn't expect companies (especially tech companies) to take a stance on social issues; that M$ did was already brave and impressive of them. This pull is disappointing, but acceptable.

the coolest use of google maps ever

2005-04-22T02:35:00.000-07:00

Someone integrated google maps and craig's list to create the best apartment-hunting website EVER. If the google maps web API is this advanced and flexible, I can't wait to see what's next! Wow.

the scary christian right

2005-04-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

this is starting to get out of hand. M$ bows down to the Christian right. And you thought M$ was the devil.

best conversations happen in the bathroom

2005-04-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Don't you love it when you run into your research professor in the bathroom, and he starts talking to you as he pees? These situations always make me nervous as hell. Here's a transcript:

He: so are you graduating?
I: Yeah, yeah
He: so what will you be up to?
I: uh, after graduation or now?
He: no, after you graduate
I: well, I'll be working at google for a year... You know, to learn some "real" stuff.

At this point, I realized that I just called everything he worked for "fake", and started panicking. With my razor sharp reflexes, I followed,

I: that is, but, then, after a year, I'll be back in grad school, where I'll be doing the real real stuff.
He: yeah, well, you might learn a thing or two at google.
I: Two. I'm guessing two.

Sigh.

living in sf

2005-03-26T23:35:00.000-08:00

In preparation for my move to sf while working at google, I asked a friend familiar with the area. Google will be picking up people at Monster Park, Civic Center or Glenn Park, and here's what he thought of each, replicated because it was so helpful in making my decision:

well, you asked the right guy.

Each neigbhorhood has its own distinct character and advantages. Civic Center has the best hookers but I think you'll find the best late night crack markets closer to Monster Park, or what we San Franciscans still call Candlestick.

With respect to Candlestick, you may hear an occasional "why is a nice Chinese boy like you mainlining Black Tar?" but generally you'll find people delightfully unprejudiced and happy to take your money. For variety you might want to try the crack houses in the Tenderloin; they offer free needle exchange! Ahh, the beauty of the free market. Praise be to George.

About Civic Center, I think you'll find that your Civic Center hooker compares favorably with her San Pablo sister; at least such has been the case in my experience. But if you want a uniquely San Francisco adventure, I recommend scoring some quality rock in the TL, picking up a fresh-off-the-bus Polk-street-special before heading to Monster Park for your own tailgate party. Remember to tip your date!

Now Glen Park I can only report is where nice people live with nice cafes, a bakery and the J-line/BART. It is right off of 280, has good weather, a park, etc. As if you care about that sort of stuff. And just try find a good crack house when you're jonesing. Please!

Hope this helps.

Crack whores here I come!

and the reason why I'm not a Math minor...

2005-03-08T01:22:00.000-08:00

Here's what my friend's math professor said to the class after a particularly difficult midterm:

I know I'm harsh and expect a lot. I know you have 3 other classes. But I had 6 other classes when I was your age. If I didn't succeed, I wouldn't get my scholarship, and my family starves. So I worked hard to feed my family.

And he wasn't joking.

Oscars Predictions

2005-02-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

The Big Night is upon us! 2004 was a GREAT year for movies; my best-10 list will be posted in a few days. Of course, the Academy has once again skillfully avoided nominating most of the best films, and indeed included some of the worst. In any case, we don't watch the Oscars because the Academy is right -- we watch it hoping (foolishly) that, eventually, one day, it might surprise us and pick the deserving winner.

This is the year of the big studio film versus the small film that barely got made. The Aviator, an ambitious, sprawling biopic, is going head-to-head against Million Dollar Baby, an intimate three-character boxing drama. But really, even more than that, it's a battle between two very well-respected and loved directors, Martin Scorsese and Clint Eastwood. It was once thought to be a three-way race with Sideways very much in the game, but it's looking like Sideways will be standing on the sidelines (*cough*) for the two big prizes.

In any case, here are my predictions for categories that I care about:

Cinematography
The Aviator*
House of Flying Daggers
The Passion of the Christ
The Phantom of the Opera
A Very Long Engagement

House of Flying Daggers and A Very Long Engagement are both two of the most stunning films of 2004. But their absence in the Foreign Language field means that they'll probably be overlooked here as well. The Aviator is gorgeous, and should have no trouble walking away with this one.

Film Editing
The Aviator*
Collateral
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby
Ray

This is another instance of The Aviator vs. Million Dollar Baby. The Aviator has flashier, bolder editing, and the Academy usually goes for that. In fact, I predict that The Aviator will be taking most of the technical awards.

Animated Feature Film
The Incredibles*
Shark Tale
Shrek 2

The Animated Feature category has always been easy to predict, except for some nail-biting when Spirited Away went up against Lilo & Stitch. The Academy made the right choice there, and it will make the right choice again. Shrek 2 may threaten, but, though it is the top-grossing film of 2004, it's simpler a weaker film than the original. Meanwhile, The Incredibles is the best film to come out of Pixar, and will definitely be honored as such.

Foriegn Language Film
As It In Heaven
The Chorus
Downfall
The Sea Inside*
Yesterday

Isn't it a little odd that two of the most visible foreign films -- House of Flying Daggers and A Very Long Engagement -- are both absent here? I've never seen any of these films, but word on the street is that The Sea Inside will take it. Sure, why not!

Writing (Adadpted Screenplay)
Before Sunset
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby
The Motorcycle Diaries
Sideways*

While The Aviator and Million Dollar Baby slug it out for the top spot, many Academy members will feel bad for Sideways, the critical darling and once front-runner. And this is where they will show their love for Sideways. There's no doubt that the screenplay category has often been consolation prizes for films that should've gotten Best Picture, but are too offbeat to get one. Sideways fits this perfectly.

Writing (Original Screenplay)
The Aviator
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind *
Hotel Rwanda
The Incredibles
Vera Drake

Eternal Sunshine has the most original and breathtaking screenplay of the year, and Charlie Kaufman is long overdue for an Oscar. He has been nominated twice before -- for Being John Malkovich and Adaptation. He has never won. But with Eternal Sunshine, he has written a film that many people fall in love with instantly, even those in mainstream Hollywood. Now, it's too quirky to be on the shortlist for Best Picture, but this is where Academy members might reward the film (and, belatedly, Being John Malkovich and Adaptation). Unfortunately, the cards are, once again, stacked against Kaufman. Some people really love Hotel Rwanda, and this is about the only place to honor that film. And there are those who champion Vera Drake, and this is again the only time the Academy members can vote for it. Kaufman will likely be overlooked again. But no worries; Kaufman winning an Oscar is only a matter of time.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Cate Blanchett- The Aviator
Laura Linney- Kinsey
Virginia Madsen- Sideways*
Sophie Okonedo- Hotel Rwanda
Natalie Portman- Closer

The battle here is between Madsen and Blanchett. Cate Blanchett gave a wonderful, quirky turn as Katherine Hepurn in The Aviator, but Virginia Madsen looked gorgeous and soulful washed in a tender, dim light. Plus, she had a beautiful speech in a movie people are trying to honor outside of the top two categories. My guess is Madsen will make it, barely. For the others, and sadly for Portman, the nomination will be the award.

Actor in a Supporting Role
Alan Alda- The Aviator
Thomas Haden Church- Sideways
Jamie Foxx- Collateral
Morgan Freeman- Million Dollar Baby*
Clive Owen- Closer

Morgan Freeman is one of those beloved actors who have mysteriously won no Oscars. This is a really, really good excuse to give him one. Thomas Haden Church is not far behind though, and may surprise all of us with his charming, boyish performance. Clive Owen is my favorite here -- his screen presence is impossible to dismiss in Closer -- but likely will not win; his character is just too dislikable. Alan Alda will have to be content with the nomiation, Jamie Foxx will have to be content with his Best Actor Oscar.

Actress in a Leading Role
Annette Bening- Being Julia
Catalina Sandino Moreno- Maria Full of Grace
Imelda Staunton- Vera Drake
Hilary Swank- Million Dollar Baby*
Kate Winslet- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

It used to be Annette Bening vs. Hilary Swank, but now, Hilary Swank basically has a lock. And deservedly so -- she was amazing in Million Dollar Baby. No one will come close.

Actor in a Leading Role
Don Cheadle- Hotel Rwanda
Johnny Depp- Finding Neverland
Leonardo DiCaprio- The Aviator
Clint Eastwood- Million Dollar Baby
Jamie Foxx- Ray*

This is the safest prediction ever. You all know I strongly disliked Ray, but Jamie Foxx's performance in undeniable. He will get his Oscar, without any threat from any other nominees.

Best Directing
Clint Eastwood- Million Dollar Baby
Taylor Hackford- Ray
Mike Leigh- Vera Drake
Alexander Payne- Sideways
Martin Scorsese- The Aviator*

Wow, this and Best Picture this year are the toughest to predict. It's an epic battle between Clint Eastwood and Martin Scoresese, and it could easily tip either way. At one point, I thought the Academy would split it Aviator/Clint Eastwood, and then I thought it would be Million Dollar Baby/Martin Scorsese, but now I'm really really not sure. I think that Million Dollar Baby should and will win the Best Picture, but there are some complications. For one thing, The Aviator is a flashier picture, and more Best Picture material. In contrast, Million Dollar Baby is more intimate and more arthouse-ish, which fits into Best Director more. But then, The Aviator is really only in the running because the Academy seems finally ready to honor Martin Scorsese. That puts Martin in Best Director, and Million Dollar Baby in Best Picture. Which is it? Eastwood has already won an Oscar for Unforgiven, but the Academy might want to honor an old-timer who's hitting on a string of great films -- Mystic River before this -- late in his career. On the other hand, Scorsese has never won an Oscar, and is long overdue. He didn't win one last year for Gangs of New York (which I liked more than Aviator), partly because people didn't love the film, and partly because of the campaign controversy. But this year, people love Aviator, and are more desperate than ever to honor him.

This is truly a toss-up. But, because I think that Million Dollar Baby will win Best Picture, Scorsese will walk away with Best Director. Unless the Academy shocks us all again and does not split the top honors between the two; in that case, Million Dollar Baby will win big.

Best Picture
The Aviator
Finding Neverland
Million Dollar Baby*
Ray
Sideways

This follows from the previous analysis. Let's seriously hope that the votes won't be so split between Million Dollar Baby and The Aviator that Ray slips in!

Well, there you have it. We'll see how well I do.

more disturbingtance

2005-02-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

Him: you know those bratty kids who make farting noises with their armpits?
Him: they're all cheapass posers
Him: i always remind them of that when i walk by elementary schools
Him: i can kick so much ass when i'm in there
Him: damn

Me: don't lie
Me: you know they make you cry
Me: so hard

Him: that was partially true
Him: they make me so hard

Me: ...

trying Hello...

2005-01-30T18:56:00.000-08:00

Trying out Blogger's Hello program for image-hosting. I dunno... Isn't it *really* awkward and *really* weird to have to use an IM client to post images to your blog? I've complained about this in an earlier post, and I'm still annoyed.

ARRUG! And there's no way to specify a title! And it puts that annoying Hello icon above in the post! Damn it.

EDIT: oops, okay, so you can tell Hello to not put that icon there. That's nice. Still annoyed at the non-title though.

Blake's, etc.

2005-01-29T01:57:00.000-08:00

I went to Blake's for the first time tonight. When presented with the opportunity, I figured I should at least go to Blake's once during my tenure at Berkeley. We went downstairs and listened to The Cheats playing. They weren't very good, and their music ranged from incredible loudness and messiness with all members masturbating on their instruments to quiet parts with a trembling guitar line once in a while. Yuck.

And why do you need to tip the bartender anyway? This guy gets an amazing amount of tip for doing nearly no work. I wish I were a bartender.

Wait, no I don't.

Super Short Movie Reviews

2005-01-29T01:18:00.000-08:00

I'm so behind on my movie reviews, so here are short ones of the films I saw recently:

Closer (9/10) -- Everything about this film is nearly perfect. The performances were superb -- stunning, even, in the cases of Clive Owen and Natalie Portman, who exceeded herself in Garden State. The film shows four ruthless and selfish people in absurb love triangles. Interestingly, we never get to see them being happy. All we see are the beginning -- when one woos another away from someone else -- and the end -- when one leaves another. Both are the most painful parts of relationships in general, and we never see the supposedly happy things in the middle. Might as well -- this is a film not so much about relationships as it is about how we break them down, tear them up and abuse them to fulfill our absurd and desperate fear of loneliness. To that end, it serves up an amazing brew. The film was adapted from a play, and it shows. Characters spew hyper-intelligent lines at superhuman speed, and the way they talk is dazzling and frightening. Of course, this kind of stagey dialogue suits me just fine -- I'm not all that interested in reality anyway, as you may have gathered. The film basically moves from one fight/courtship scene to another, and boy are they spectacular! A fight between Clive Owen and Julia Roberts and a courtship between Clive Owen and Natalie Portman are two of the most breath-taking scenes all year long. Some take issues with there being no likeable characters. I would argue the point (I thought Natalie Portman's character was quite adorable), but it's true -- if you can't stand movies that don't have any character that you can like or relate to, Closer is not for you. Me? I'm just having too much fun watching them slash each other down in the most dazzling ways possible. There's love for ya.

A Very Long Engagement (9/10) -- Jean-Pierre Jeunet and Audrey Tautou -- director and actress of the adorable Amelie -- reunite in this beautiful film on one girl's search for his fiance, who was lost (and presumed dead) during his service in France for World War I. Yes, it's a war movie -- it's much heavier and less lyrical than Amelie, and Jeunet tones down his cinematic tricks to bring gravity to the subject matter. But the film is still one of the best-looking movies of the year, and the cinematography is just outstanding. Critics argue that it's too whimsical for the subject matter, and it may be, but we are not at all spared of some horrible and graphic war images. The plot is extremely complicated -- that it was adapted from an even more complex book guarantees this -- and sometimes difficult to follow. But even if you don't understand absolutely every detail in the first viewing, you'll still enjoy it at a more intuitive level. And, though it does have its light-hearted moments, it's the saddest movie of the year.

The Life Acquatic with Steve Zissou (8/10) -- This is, for me, the funniest movie of 2004. Coming from the quirky Wes Anderson, whose previous films -- Rushmore, The Royal Tennanbaums -- earned nothing but smiles from me, I expected little more than a few chuckles. But from the first scene, I was laughing like a mad man. It may be just me -- there were several moments when I was the only one laughing in the theater -- but Bill Murray gives such a funny and awkward performance that I feel like laughing every time he's on screen. Anderson also shows off a bit in a spectacular, emotionally-heated scene toward the end that is at once shocking and breath-taking. Great stuff.

Bad Education (8/10) -- Pedro Almodovar -- America's favorite Spanish director, last year nominated for Talk to Her -- has made a sumptuous film here. The plot is complicated and interesting, and the way he juggles multiple timelines and varying degrees of reality is brilliant. No plot details are necessary -- you should just watch it. I've never seen a Almodovar film, and I am very impressed. Once interesting note, though -- it is rated NC-17. WHY? For the record, as far as I can remember, this film has absolutely NO NUDITY. There are plenty of sex scenes -- the film is notorious for it -- but none of them show any private body parts. The only thing that this film differs from other, more explicit, R-rated films, is that the sex scenes are between two men. Is this reason enough to push it to NC-17? If there are other reasons, I'd love to know. Otherwise, this is completely ludicrous.

The House of Flying Daggers (7/10) -- For those who thought Hero was visually spectacular but emotionally hollow, this film is director Zhang Yimou's response. It has (thankfully!) fewer fight scenes, and none as dazzling as the leaves fight in Hero, but it actually has a real plot now, and one filled with real characters. Yes, it still feels pretty hollow, and I still don't really care much about the characters, but at least I'm not bored. And the beautiful fight scenes -- especially the one in a bamboo forest -- certainly elevate it above your typical martial arts film. Now that Zhang Yimou has gotten all these cool-fight ideas out of his system in Hero, he was finally able to craft a better film that's more than a rack on which to hang his fight scenes. It's unfortunate that he's not making another wuxia film -- at least not yet -- because next time, he might actually focus on the characters.

Finding Neverland (6/10) -- It's fine Hollywood yarn. Johnny Depp was fine, and Kate Winslet was fine. The plot was fine (if not a little trite) and the direction was fine. But it's sugary and a tad manipulative towards the end, and in general just not all that spectacular. There is very little magic as James Mathew Berrie writes his masterpiece, Peter Pan, compared moments from other literary films like Shakespeare in Love or The Hours. And Berrie's "boundless imagination" could've been presented with a little more imagination. But still, there's nothing terribly wrong with it. It's fine.

Oscar nominations are in!!!

2005-01-25T19:33:00.000-08:00

Yes it's been a month, who cares?

The Oscar nominations are in!

Inclusions that made me ecstatic:

Clive Owen, Closer, Best Supporting Actor -- He was deliciously chauvinistic and deserves to win.
Kate Winslet, Eternal Sunshine, Best Actress -- Eternal Sunshine was locked for screenplay, but its wonderful to see Kate Winslet getting a nod.
Virginia Madsen, Sideways, Best Supporting Actress -- She looked stunning in the film and brought it such tender humanity. Her speech about why she loves wine is gold.
Natalie Portman, Closer, Best Supporting Actress -- Her first role as an adult is the performance of her lifetime. Yes, better than Garden State. She really completely disappears into this weak/strong and (arguably) the only lovable character from the film. Her and Owen's nominations bring a smile to my face.

Inclusions that made me mad:

Ray and Finding Neverland for Best Picture. You know my hatred for Ray, and Finding Neverland is the Chocolot of 2004 -- goes down easy, syrupy sweet and not at all nutritious. Both don't deserve to be here. I was hoping the Academy would surprise me with Eternal Sunshine, but I was dreaming indeed.
Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland, Best Actor -- Come on. Yes, he was fine, as Depp always is. But his presence here and Paul Giamatti's absence here indicates that, even though the critics are going crazy for Sideways, Hollywood really doesn't share the love.

Omissions that made me sad:

Paul Giamatti, Sideways, Best Actor -- I was really rooting for him here for his great funny-sad performance. But this was a really great year for male performances.
Eternal Sunshine or Closer for Best Picture -- two of the greatest films of the year, snubbed. Not that they were favored to be included at all, of course; both were too offbeat to be considered at all. But sad nonetheless.
Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine, Best Actor -- Wow, the Academy must *really* hate Jim Carrey; first Truman Show, and now this. At least Kate Winslet got a nod.
Wes Anderson, Life Acquatic, Original Screenplay -- Okay, that's the stuff dreams are made of.

This sucks; I'm not too excited about any of the best picture nominees. It's looking like an Aviator sweep, and it may very well take the thing, unless Million Dollar Baby catches fire in the coming month (and it could). The Aviator was a fine movie, though a little to flashy and hollow for my taste; I really don't think it's best picture material. I have not seen MDB, though, and will soon. Sideways has no chance -- Paul Giamatti's exclusion from Best Actor basically kills its chances here. Ray and Finding Neverland can only sit at the sidelines here as the top two battle it out.

Jamie Foxx will (easily) take the Best Actor nod for Ray. The only threat here is Clint Eastwood, but I don't think so. Everyone else can go home.

God I would love to see a double win for Closer in the supporting categories for Clive Owen and Natalie Portman, but it seems unlikely. Morgan Freeman is looking great for supporting actor, though the supporting actress round seems pretty open. I'm torn though; Natalie Portman or Virginia Madsen? I loved both so much.

Hilary Swank has a near lock on Best Actress. Looks like she's going to snatch the Oscar away from Annette Bening again, like she did a few years ago for her performance in Boys Don't Cry versus Bening's in American Beauty.

The Incredibles will win best animated feature. Shrek 2 *may* threaten, but I don't see it as an even remote possibility, even with Shrek 2 doing tremendous business.

Clint Eastwood will probably get the best director nod, though the Academy may finally decide to honor Martin Scorsese. In fact, my bet is that MDB and Aviator will split the best picture and the best director Oscars; the more likely scenario in my head is the Aviator getting best picture, and Eastwood getting best director.

I'm really really rooting for Eternal Sunshine for best original screenplay. Charlie Kaufman's been nominated three times for writing, and it's time for him to win. The Aviator, though might unfairly interrupt.

Adapted Screenplay? MDB. Maybe it'll go to Sideways, but unlikely.

DISAPPOINTING. What a boring Oscar race!

Sideways (8/10)

2004-12-08T01:59:00.000-08:00

This film is as fine as the wine that its characters obsess over -- smooth, effortless, and with a haunting after taste that keeps you up at night.

Of course, I don't know anything about wine, but what a movie! The fourth film from American directory Alexander Payne, who also made Election and About Schmidt, is more restrained, more subtle and more mature than his previous outings. It definitely borrows more in tone from About Schmidt (slow, dreamy countryside) than Election (bitter, vicious suburbanite) and doesn't quite reach the sheer joy of Election, still my favorite Payne film. But this is not a film that is eager to show off its cleverness as Election was. There are no crazy camera movements or fancy cinematic tricks screaming for attention. The characters just talk on and on, and the things that they say aren't even particularly clever or witty.

But boy, do you fall in love with the characters! In a kind of chamberplay-on-the-road, all four actors and actresses turn in wonderful performances, and there is a beautiful, dreamy conversation late at night between the main character and his love interest on the subject of wine and life that may knock you out cold and break your heart.

Of course, Payne hasn't completely gone soft. There is a scene here that is as surprising and vulgar as the famous bathtub scene in About Schmidt and most of Election. You'll know it when you see it, and you'll think twice about entering strangers' houses after watching this.

In any case, this is not a film that aggressively tries to impress you. But its characters stay with you, and scenes from the film age slowly. Plus, I vote the main character as the most me-character I've seen on film all year. This is a great movie, but its greatness won't come till you've let it sit and ripen for a few days.

Ray (5/10)

2004-12-08T01:47:00.000-08:00

Very disappointing. I came out of Collateral eager to see what Jamie Foxx would do with a weightier role. And while Foxx was fine, the movie was not.

Ray makes the most fatal mistake of all biopics -- instead of telling stories about the man and the legend, it merely lays out a chronology. The film starts off promisingly with effective flashback scenes hinting at a haunting past. However, after the half-way point, everything that's on screen only serves to bring about another newspaper headline. The characters don't stay on screen for more than three minutes anymore; instead, we are presented with flash presentations of different events in Ray Charles' life. Very quickly, I lost all identification with any of the characters, and was begging for the history lessons to stop. The movie culminates with a final, imaginary scene that resolves Ray's ghosts from the past. This scene is unnecessarily uplifting, offensively cheesy and only emphasizes how phony the whole movie rings.

Jamie Foxx was fine and believable as Ray Charles. But he was never given many scenes of much emotional weight that holds for more than five minutes, and therefore, never evolves from mere caricature to character. I much prefer him in Collateral.

In any case, god I hope this film doesn't make it into the Oscars. Jamie Foxx can get his Best Actor nod, but do not waste a slot in Best Picture.

Garden State (7/10)

2004-11-15T19:23:00.000-08:00

So I was a little disappointed. Just a little. Garden State is quirky. But like most freshmen films -- it is written and directed by first-timer Zaff Braff -- it is too impressed by its quirkiness.

It's odd, really. Many films seem to think that if they're hip and stylish, they can get away with being mushy, as if their quirkiness buy them credits toward sentimentality. Most of Spielberg films fall into this catagory, as did I Heart Huckabees. Garden State is not overly sentimental, but all the existential and relational angst that it has juggled for 90 minutes fall too neatly in place in the last ten minutes. And, throughout the ending scenes, the film is a relentless point-making machine, settling scores and offering axiomatic nuggets of life wisdom with scary and pretentious efficiency.

I forgive it -- up to this point, the film has been honest, sharp and observant. Zaff Braff, of the Scrubs fame, is endlessly watchable. His comatose demeanor and dry delivery are a pleasure to behold, and his script is filled with cool characters. Natalie Portman also turns in a sympathetic and charming performance that is hard not to adore, and provides a worthy spirit to the film's weighty center. And there were scenes of simple brilliance, such as the opening scene or the knight-in-kitchen scene. Most of the time, it is an incredible first feature, and shows a lot of promise.

But then, occasionally, it makes hard and difficult turns toward the conventional. The father-son relationship is handled with a wave of the hand -- how typical for a non-psychiatrist to show more insight into life than a psychiatrist! And several of the "poignant" scenes feel like Natalie Portman trying to squeeze tears from our eyes. Plus, we would all be better off with fewer scenes of people shouting into an abyss. Still, Garden State is an entertaining ride through teenage angst. And, in his next feature, if Zaff Braff can steer clear of the mind-numbing medication of canned sentimentality, then, well, we might all start to feel something.

problem

2004-11-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

Ah, I just realized the character flaw that defines me. I take too close to heart the saying that "the higher you climb, the harder you fall". And I'm so afraid of a fall that I hardly attempt a climb at all. So there I am, sitting half a mountain up, going to classes, doing homework, working late nights, with no intention of reaching much higher, but content that I'm not any place worse. Sure, it's nice to have no illusions, but I've also become utterly predictable and stagnant. Certainly I can achieve nothing greater in my life than what I can recover from in its failure. And that's boring.

And now I'm starting to be dissatisfied with my contentment...

I Heart Huckabees (7/10)

2004-10-27T15:13:00.000-07:00

David O. Russel walks a dangerous line between the quirky and the ridiculous in his latest film, I Heart Huckabees. Oddly enough, this is not where the flaws of the film lie -- I Heart Huckabees is bizarre, surprising and challenging without losing all senses. I do have a high tolerance for absurdity -- being a fan of Mulholland Drive -- but I never found this film to be as disconnected and unpenetrable as critics have.

No, the problem actually lies in the struggle between the quirky and the banal. Quirkiness is usually used by directors to disguise true feelings and philosophical musings that would otherwise be sentimental. And though Huckabees has its share of brilliant quirkiness -- a dinner scene comes immediately to mind -- it also deeps into convenient banality, as in a career-killing meeting scene. It is frustrating to see a film with as awesome a concept as "existential detectives" to move into these easy, sentimental scenes, and I just had to shake my head and dock a few points.

Still, it is a fun and funny film. Highly recommended.

Best of 2004:
=============

The Incredibles -- 10
Eternal Sunshine -- 9
Dogville -- 9
Kill Bill: Volume 2 -- 8
Spiderman 2 -- 8
Harry Potter 3 -- 7
I Heart Huckabees -- 7
Collateral -- 7
Fahrenheit 9/11 -- 7
Shrek 2 -- 7

the incredibles (10/10)

2004-10-24T14:45:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to attend a preview of Pixar's Next Big Thing, "The Incredibles". And boy, it's going to be hard going through this blog without using the word "incredible" and looking smug, but I'll try. In fact, I already failed.

In any case, WOW. This is, BY FAR, the MOST adult Pixar film to date. It is rated PG for cartoon violence, and sure, there's that, but that's not the adult part. Characters spew lines that I never thought would appear in a Pixar film. For example, Bob the father (ala Mr. Incredible), on a 4th grade graduation ceremony: "It's not a graduation! He's just passing from 4th grade to 5th grade! Why do we look for every possible chance to celebrate mediocrity?"

My jaw really dropped at this. This is so amazingly cynical, biting and incisive that you expect it from the mouth of, say, Woody Allen, but not a Pixar-animated father figure! Immediately, I knew this was going to be a very different film from the standard Pixar fare.

And it is. The Incredibles, as Monsters Inc., is bursting at the seams with imagination. There are breathtaking scenes that rival the sheer joy of creativity in the door-hanger scene in Monsters Inc. And the action scenes look absolutely stunning. But what really sets it apart is the amount of darkness in the material, from the truly dysfunctional family (instead of the standard I'm-an-orphan fare) to the issues of arrogance, neglect and death.

The director is Brad Bird, the mastermind behind "The Iron Giant", one of the finest animated films to come out of America. That movie, as The Incredibles, is funny, but in a different way from other Pixar films. The Incredibles has fewer zingers that almost entirely carried Finding Nemo, but it does have more situational comedy. Recall the robot-hand-in-the-house scene from The Iron Giant, and you get the idea.

Better still -- like The Iron Giant, The Incredibles is touching without being mushy. It is poignant, and it deals with the big issues, but without the usual preachiness. In fact, The Incredibles is probably the most morally-ambiguous Pixar film to date. Most of the characters have real flaws -- I don't mean just laziness or insecurity. There's a genuinely dark side to many of the characters, and good and evil is no longer so clear-cut. I really loved that as well.

Graphically, it looks amazing. The Incredibles features the best-looking computer-generated water effects to date. Sure, Finding Nemo has some of that, but it is mostly underwater, and as we know, the hard part is in modeling the water surface. The Incredibles has multiple scenes of characters in water -- and, even more amazing -- things splashing into water with stunning realism. The human characters are still not perfect -- Dash, in particular, looks very plastic for some reason -- but they're not expected to be.

I can go on and on about the complicated story, the sharp dialogue or the creative action sequences, but work is calling me. Suffice it to say that The Incredibles is the best Pixar film to date, and, as it stands right now, the best film of the year.

For fun, I'm listing my ranking of Pixar films:

Top Pixar Films:
================

The Incredibles -- 10; as I said
Toy Story 2 -- 10; everything you could want in a film
Monsters, Inc. -- 9; funny and intelligent except for the slightly lame ending
Finding Nemo -- 9; very well-done but exhausting; road trip movies (like Lord of the Ring) are not my thing
Toy Story -- 8; I liked it, but was never overly impressed
A Bug's Life -- 7; Antz was better

cute

2004-10-17T20:45:00.000-07:00

I: Did you know, E190 kills babies
He: what's the hardest part about running through a field of dead babies
I: umm
I: what
He: hiding your erection

don't you dare threaten me

2004-10-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

He: did u fix all ur problems?
I: I don't have problems
I: what you talkin' bout
He: fine
He: i will kill you.
I: where are you
He: i am outside your window
He: i have a chainsaw
He: and a laptop
He: with which i'm chatting to you
He: they're actually attached
He: it's pretty cool
He: i can control the chainsaw with my touchpad
He: too bad you won't live to see it
He: how dare you become idle
He: don't u realize i'm about to cut you into tiny pieces
He: using my touchpad
I: I WILL LICK YOU TO DEATH
He: how are you gonna give me a licking...
I: THE SAME WAY I GAVE YOUR MOM ONE
He: ...once i've CHAINSAWED YOU INTO THIN SLICES
I: ONE OF THOSE SLICES WILL BE MY TONGUE

why existential?

2004-10-14T19:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so yes, I've been naming everything "The Existential * of Overwhelming Beauty". Why? Well, I was supposed to write a candidate essay for Tau Beta Pi on the officers I've interviewed. Instead, I turned in the following:

THE EXISTENTIAL COMEDY OF OVERWHELMING BEAUTY

(Bare stage with three chairs facing the audience. BRIAN, JENNIFER and ISAAC come on stage, and sit on the chairs. Stillness. THEY exchange looks. More stillness.)

BRIAN: So.

JENNIFER: So?

ISAAC: So what?

BRIAN: What?

JENNIFER: You said “so”.

BRIAN: So?

ISAAC: So what?

BRIAN: Exactly.

ISAAC: No, that’s what I’m asking you.

BRIAN: Me?

ISAAC: Who else? Who else said “so”?

BRIAN: Everyone said “so”!

JENNIFER: But that doesn’t mean you have to do it.

BRIAN: What?

JENNIFER: If everyone runs around naked, would you?

BRIAN: What?

ISAAC: She’s got a point there.

BRIAN: (After a pause,) I wish I were naked.

JENNIFER: We all wish that. But... But we can’t be. They’re... They’re...

ISAAC: (Frightened,) They’re watching, you know. They’re all watching.

BRIAN: I’ve slowly come to the realization of that. Do you ever wonder? Do you ever wonder -- wonder why, why these people, they come and they... They watch us? Does it give them some satisfaction? Why do they come and watch? Like we’re... Like we’re some kind of... Like it’s some kind of...

JENNIFER: A freak show?

BRIAN: No.

ISAAC: A freak show?

BRIAN: Exactly!

ISAAC: (Proudly, his speech:) I know exactly what you mean. I mean, what, what are we all doing here? On this bare stage, on these three chairs, when reruns of Xena is on? What are we here for? What are we looking for? A little spark in one end of time, and here we are, forever striving for the other end, running, praying, getting lost, being found, hiding in corners, laughing, crying, walking through the misty blue, rolling through acacacademy, waiting, waiting, waiting. What are we waiting for? Whom are we waiting for? Whom -- who -- whom are we waiting for?

JENNIFER: (With a groan,) Let’s not turn this into Waiting For Godot, okay?

BRIAN: It’s way too early in the day. I’m not even drunk yet.

JENNIFER: Really?

BRIAN: Of course.

ISAAC: Hmm. I wouldn’t be able to tell.

JENNIFER: When will you get drunk?

BRIAN: In a few minutes.

ISAAC: Hmm.

JENNIFER: Sounds like a good time.

(Long pause between the three. THEY are bored and have nothing to say.)

ISAAC: (Suddenly,) I was a fat baby, you know. I won the fat baby contest. You wouldn’t be able to tell because I’m not fat anymore, and because of my lack of fatness, you wouldn’t be able to deduce that I was fat as a baby, and so you probably would’ve never guessed that I won a fat baby contest. (Pause.) But I did.

JENNIFER: Oh I get it. Now we’re supposed to talk about what’s interesting about ourselves.

ISAAC: (Puzzled,) I think so. Why else would he interview us?

JENNIFER: Ah, well then! I have a great story to tell. When I was three...

BRIAN: (Drunkenly interrupting,) None of you knows what yous be talking about you foolish foolish fools you you don’t know where it ends and where you begins and so you are walking around looking for loopholes in logic and reasoning and the fabric the fabric the soft sweet fabric of the universe and you are digging and digging into the loopholes deeper and deeper and you don’t remember which end you came in and it’s just a hole and you’re in there not remember where you came in and where you go out and so you stay there and you cook and you clean your room and do your homework and sleep at designated hours but you’re really just hoping that someone somewhere at some time will come and come and take you and take you to the door show you to the hole and take you out to the absolute breathtaking beauty outside the serene unbearable beauty the divine intercepting beauty... Of my mother.

JENNIFER: (Pause,) He’s right, you know. I’ve met his mother.

ISAAC: Is it that time already? Is he drunk?

JENNIFER: I don’t think so. This is normal.

ISAAC: We should stay away.

JENNIFER: Don’t say that. He might hear. They’ll all hear. They have all heard.

ISAAC: What if they hear? What if they hear?

JENNIFER: I... They’ll... They. Might. Know.

ISAAC: Mmm.

(THEY take another long pause.)

JENNIFER: (Suddenly,) I wonder why no one interviews me?

(ISSAC looks at her, and laughs. BRIAN punches ISSAC. BLACKOUT.)

we'll be rich in no time

2004-10-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

Brilliant business proposition from my friend:

Him: i thought of an idea
Him: that will make me a hojillionaire
Him: i'm gonna write a blog commenter
Him: it will scour the web and leave comments on people's blogs
Me: how does that make you have a lot of hos?
Him: silence
Him: you haven't even heard the key part yet
Him: these comments will be along the lines of "you suck"
Him: but in many more words
Him: they will be so numerous that blog authors would have no hope of deleting them all
Him: naturally, some ppl will not want such comments left on their blogs
Him: to exempt themselves, they'll hafta pay me "protection money"
Me: hahaha
Me: IT'S BRILLIANT!

the great debates

2004-10-03T18:59:00.002-07:00

Wow, the first presidential debate was awesome. What a reversal of roles! It's really exciting to see Kerry back in the game and looking impressive, and even more to see Bush floundering, his words no longer as pitch-perfect as his campaign. We all know the Republicans are much better at running these elections, and it's immensely satisfying to see Bush caught in the headlights without that cushion of protection.

Congratulations to Kerry to throwing some great punches -- like calling on Bush's "the enemy attacked us" explaination for Iraq War with an all-too-literal interpretation: "Sadam didn't attack us! Bin Laden did!" Bush's reply was equally precious -- "Of course I know bin Laden attacked us!"

Bush was funny in general. He called the terrorists "a group of folks". He was hilariously incredulous when Kerry listed nations in the coalition and responded with "He forgot Poland!". And then he made some obscure reference to a "tax gap" -- together with hand gestures! -- and then moved on as if it were self-explanatory.

Easily Kerry won the debate, and polls show that the race is in a dead heat again.

Which, of course, makes things a lot more interesting this week, especially for the Cheney-Edwards debate on thursday. Cheney clearly has the experience edge, and threatens to push Edwards back into his obscurity in this campaign. Can Edwards shine -- and make himself known to the voters? This will be an interesting match -- Cheney the experienced, vicious pessimist, versus Edwards the political newbie, always smiling and optimistic.

In any case, this has been great fun for all.

about my Scandinavian classes...

2004-09-28T23:46:00.000-07:00

People keep asking me about this.

It all started with Woody Allen, my hero. His major, major influence was Ingmar Bergman, a Scandinavian director, and so last semester, I took a Film 151 class that focuses on Bergman and his career. Throughout, I watched about 15 Bergman films, and boy they were amazing! Some standouts include Wild Strawberries, The Seventh Seal, Persona, Winter Light, Fanny & Alexander, etc.

Bergman films really, really beautiful stuff. Most of them are in black and white (he was reluctant to move on to color), and they looked really gorgeous. In fact, Bergman heavily uses the brilliant cinematographer, Sven Nykist, whom Woody Allen has also stoken to film Crimes and Misdemeanors. Bergman also heavily utilizes now one of my favorite actors -- Max van Sydow -- whom Allen also used, to great effect, in Hannah and Her Sisters. Bergman's films, though, are very depressing -- as are, it seems, most films that I enjoy. In fact, through a semester of watching Swedish films, the only Swedish word I've learned means "nothing".

In any case, I fell in love with Bergman. And then I found that one of his major influences is August Strindberg, a Scandinavian playwright. The same professor is teaching a course on Strindberg this semester, so naturally I jumped on it. I have not yet been disappointed; Strindberg is every bit as bizarre as Bergman and Allen, if not more. He is relentlessly intellectual -- and a woman hater. I'll talk about him next time.

And hence, this is my journey climbing up from Allen to Bergman to Strindberg in search for the root of genius.

Actually I also raised my hand once today in my Scandinavian class. I was hoping to just drop the question and let the professor run with it. Unfortunately, the professor was overjoyed that I even participated, and started hammering me with more questions. Background information: last semester (when I took another class from her) she told me that though I had perfect attendance, I did not have perfect participation. She was right.

Go Radiohead Decal!

2004-09-27T23:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I audited this Radiohead decal course last semester, and I'm doing it again this semester. You can never get enough Radiohead.

But the people this semester are far more interesting. Last semester, the class constantly seemed like a crickets exhibit. This time, people talk and discuss and actually offer a lot of insight and trivia. Hell, even I was moved enough to offer some thoughts. And that doesn't happen much.

Everyone asks, what does that man say at the end of the Just video? Some of my favorites are "There's a really cool sound underground" or "I've never seen the city from this angle". But why do we insist on knowing? Once something is spoken -- once it is put into words -- once it is mortalized -- it becomes weak, debatable. It becomes just another claim, just another assertion, and invites arguments and other opinions. It loses a lot of power. And obviously, there's nothing Radiohead can put into the mouth of that man that would justify everyone lying down; yet by not doing exactly that, Radiohead hints at a deeper something that we're all missing. And that's powerful.

Similar with other things. For example, Radiohead songs like Pyramid Song, How To Disappear, etc., all move me deeply. But if someone asks me why, I wouldn't be able to say. I know why; I feel why. But I also know that once I say it out loud, it's going to sound cheesy, silly and melodramatic, and all the power will be gone.

"You've gotta feel."

and then...

2004-09-19T01:41:00.000-07:00

I feel better now. Maybe I should just wash my face more.

thought

2004-09-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's astounding to note how miserable a failure I am. Why do I have to be so fucking neurotic? Why do the smallest things set me off? Why can't I do anything right when it counts? This semester is a one-way express ticket to a nervous breakdown. And I don't even know why.

Movies of 2004 Update

2004-09-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

In case I forget, here's the updated list so far:

Best of 2004:
1. Eternal Sunshine
2. Dogville
3. Kill Bill: Volume 2
4. Spiderman 2
5. Harry Potter 3
6. Collateral
7. Fahrenheit 9/11
8. Shrek 2

A few notes:

Collateral is just wonderful. Michael Mann crafts such a moody and mourful piece, depicting the hypnotic nightmare that is LA. Yes, the plot line is predictable, and the last chase scene is way too long, but in certain parts, the movie drags. Yet the characters are all lovable, and Jamie Foxx especially turns in a surprisingly sympathetic performance. His first exchange with the girl in the cab is absolutely priceless; it's one that makes me drop my jaw and just marvel at the beauty of a perfectly-written, perfectly-performed and perfectly-directed scene.

Moved Kill Bill 2 above Spiderman 2 because KB2 stood up to a second viewing better. I think I'm going to be switching these two around all year long.

For some reason I forgot to put in Harry Potter before.

Movies I'm dying to watch:

Hero -- this should easily make top ten

Donnie Darko: Director's Cut -- if this is just exactly as good as the original, it will make number 2 on this list.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow -- this looks stunning, and I'm a sucker for Indiana Jones-like adventures. Early word of mouth is amazing.

The Incredibles -- PIXAR!!!!!!! Directed by Brad Bird, Pixar newbie but the director behind The Iron Giant, one of the best 2D animated films EVER! I cannot stress how excited I am.

Shark Tales -- Dreamworks' next entry to the animation market. It doesn't look as great in the trailers as, say, Finding Nemo (certainly the animation is not as beautiful), but Dreamworks usually pulls through. I'm a little skeptical, though...

By the way, I'm predicting a boring Oscar season this year.

Bad jokes

2004-09-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

My Godsister told me a particularly lame joke the other day:

Two bananas are walking outside. It's a really hot day, so the first banana took off his clothes. The second banana fell.

So I countered with a better version:

Two tomatoes are walking outside. It's a really hot day, so the first tomato took off his clothes. The second tomato raped him in the ass.

Mine is funnier.

that is me

2004-07-21T14:38:00.000-07:00

My roommate up here at Microsoft ate dinner with me and two other interns last night. He, to whom I've done no wrong, proceeded to conjecture, "Don't you think Chung is completely asexual? I can't see him in any sort of sexual context. He's so businesslike."

Well, at least now, men also think I'm asexual.

in case you're not scared of conservatives yet...

2004-07-20T16:53:00.000-07:00

here's one. Read with fear.

vancouver madness

2004-07-20T15:44:00.000-07:00

Went up to Vancouver over the weekend. Such a beautiful city! It seems that most areas by the ocean are beautiful, but those with water running through it -- San Francisco, Seattle, Vancouver -- are best.

The biggest find: there's this boba place in Vancouver Chinatown that's just great. For some reason, these tapioca drinks up here are all sold in tall, big cups (equivalent to a "large" from Lollicup), and cost the same as the smaller brethrens in US. We went in, each bought a cup, and were so impressed that we all finished it on the spot so we can get another cup. And then, we went back the next day for more.

On Saturday night, I also went into a club. Actually, we had to stand outside for about an hour before they let us in. The bouncer probably figured out that we were all guys, despite my girlish pleading. At last, he could no longer stand us standing there withstanding, and let us in at 2am. The party animal that I am, I sped in there and started dancing like mad. And by "dancing", I mean bouncing. And by "like mad", I mean not at all.

Well of course I didn't know what to do, so I quietly observed these people rubbing on each other. But despite the copious friction generation, I hear it's relatively not very dirty, says someone used to clubbing in Mexico. I was in the wrong country.

Here are some pictures I took:

[Preprocessor Error: Digital camera not found]

Good times.

and google expands

2004-07-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

Mmm, okay, so Google just grew bigger, and has acquired Picasa, which is apparently an image-viewing tool. This is probably a move on Google's part toward the desktop environment in order to compete with Microsoft and its impending (read: never released) Longhorn.

But then, Picasa also has something called Hello, which is apparently a sort of image-sharing client for easy and secure transfer of image files with your "buddies". And, among the possible buddies is what's called the BloggerBot, which, once sent an image file, "posts" the image to your blog.

It's kind of a weird, bizarre and unnecessarily convoluted way to support image hosting on Blogger. But it gets worse -- it's poorly documented and just not a great idea overall. For one thing, you have NO control over WHERE you want to save the file on the server; it just stuffs it at some random location. And if you want some text next to the picture, then bummer -- first you have to PUBLISH the picture, with just itself and a short caption, and then come and EDIT the post as I'm doing now. Not to mention, of course, the simple fact that to upload a picture, you have to launch this bizarre image-sharing chat client that is flashy but counter-intuitive to navigate. AND, the WORST, of course, is that, in the middle of creating a post, if you want to insert an image, you CANNOT do so from within Blogger! You have to launch Hello, publish the image into a SEPARATE post, get the URL from that post, delete that post, and paste the URL into the blog entry you're creating. Maybe I'm missing something, but this is completely ludicrous. And even if I AM missing something, if even I haven't figured it out yet in the past ten minutes of playing with this, then forget about the newbies -- whom this product clearly target.

Google google google. You should've done a lot more testing before unleashing this ugly beast. My guess is it's only a matter of time now before they allow more control over image management. But Blogger is not popular enough, and image-hosting not crucial enough, for Google to pull a Microsoft and try to pork-barrel bad programs (Hello) with needed features (image hosting).

Yes, I just accused Google of pulling a Microsoft. Be warned, Google. Eyes are watching your every move. I still love you, but you'll never be the same again. Especially after Jerome.

more things I cannot argue with

2004-07-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

Him: summer is halfway over
Him: it's already the beginning of the end

Me: it's always the beginning of the end

Him: no
Him: it can be the start of a new beginning

Me: but it will be the beginning of the end still
Me: even if you're starting it

Him: if you imagine summer as a bell shaped curve
Him: where x-axis is time
Him: and where y is the "ride" of summer
Him: then only after the peak in the middle does the end begin
Him: moreover,
Him: the curve can also be skewed so that it does not actually peak until further down the x-axis
Him: therefore, you are incorrect
Him: Q.E.D.
Him: as a corollary to this treatise i posit you to find one individual who would say that it is indeed the beginning of the end at the first day of the summer

spiderman 2

2004-07-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

Wow. I will pay it this compliment: Spiderman 2 has some of the most thrilling, innovative and satisfying action sequences since The Matrix, and it's easily the best superhero movie since Batman Returns.

I was not a big fan of the first one. It wasn't just the groan-inducing cheesy dialogue, either. The first half of the first Spiderman was quirky and enjoyable, but the second half quickly turned into a typical action movie on autopilot. Spiderman 2, however, is thoughtful and surprising all the way through, and director Sam Raimi now finally is no longer shy about letting his quirky side out. The film is littered with bizarre moments of humor, and Raimi shows off his horror roots in a fantastic hospital scene.

Yes, the film contains too much pop-psychology and trashy science for its own good. But it still serves to build an emotional foundation, and one that is not as self-important and pompous as that of The Hulk. And, damn it, it works, and I do sympathize with Peter Parker, both of us being burdened with the task of saving the world and looking good while doing it.

It's true. I'm Batman.

Best of 2004:
1. Eternal Sunshine
2. Dogville
3. Spiderman 2
4. Kill Bill: Volume 2
5. Fahrenheit 9/11
6. Shrek 2

the seattle library

2004-06-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

... is, by far, the coolest public building that I've been in. Follow this link for some amazing pictures.

It's shaped like a random mesh of glass cage from the outside, which is almost expected of these "modern", big-profile buildings. What is surprising is that the inside is every bit as quirky. The bookshelves are slightly scattered across the floor, and some are transparent. The floor tiles *do not* match, and seem randomly placed. And everywhere, the sunlight shines through the glass cage, creating dancing shadows across the floor.

The conference floor is the creepiest. It is completely red -- even the ceilings and the floors -- and dimly lit. Traversing through its hallways is walking down the memory lane of your mother's womb.

Then there's the computers floor, which is completely silver -- even the floor tiles are metalic. Perfect for mass electrocution.

Above that lie about 5 stories of what's called The Spiral, where all the books are. The floors are linked together like a parking structure -- you can actually get from the lowest to the highest floor without touching stairs or the elevator. This means that the floors are tilted. Completely bizarre.

The Reading Room is at the top level, where the beautiful sun casts playful shadows everywhere. It's really gorgeous.

Too bad the parking situation is ridiculous. We paid $5 parking fees for being in the library for an hour. But still. It's hard to find a more charming building of such large scale.

Fahrenheit 9/11

2004-06-27T22:43:00.000-07:00

Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 was, in fact, the number one movie in America this weekend with a $21.9 million pull (his previous film, Bowling for Columbine, took nine months to rake in $21.5 million!). It's extremely, extremely heartening to see that it actually outperformed White Chicks. Could it be that this country really is more interested in politics than black guys dressed up as blond girls?

The film itself is wonderful, every bit as biting, insightful and biased as you would expect a Michael Moore film to be. And, more than that -- and the reason why people love Moore documentaries -- it's also very entertaining. It's more focused than the sprawling Bowling for Columbine, though not as constantly intriguing and thought-provoking. He took a few shots too cheap at Bush, and sometimes overstated the obvious. And I agree with the critical consensus that there's not that much previously-unknown information. Nevertheless, the art of filmmaking is in the presentation, and Moore has put together a tasty treat.

Did it deserve its Palm D'Or? Eh, probably not. Though very well-made, it's not exactly a shining example of filmmaking. Fahrenheit 9/11 definitely benefitted from its political message there.

Is it better than Bowling for Columbine? Eh, probably not. Though it is more subtle, more restrained, and more mature, it's not as immediately brilliant nor as wildly creative.

Is it going to sway the election? Eh, probably not. The film may be a little too radical to do that. While there are things here that would definitely convert some votes, it's padded with polarizing viewpoints (the film, for example, still dwells on Bush stealing 2004's election. Moore really needs to move on from that point). However, I must commend Moore for daring to make a film filled with his opinion, rather than a two-hour long attack ad.

Nonetheless, it's one of the best films of the year so far, and will be a big presence at this year's Oscars. And, it did blow everyone's expectations and beat White Chicks and Dodgeball at the box office -- while being shown on only one third as many movie screens! Who knows, as Michael Moore constantly surprises us, perhaps the American people will surprise him too.

even with context...

2004-06-22T00:43:00.000-07:00

Me: What's in that Amazon box?
Him: Oh, condoms.
Me: Really. I didn't realize Amazon sells condoms.
Him: Yeah; you have to look under the Used section.

long live Lewis Black

2004-06-20T19:08:00.000-07:00

Lewis Black is hilarious. Some tibits I just saw:

"MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken"

While watching last year's Superbowl halftime, "So there were N'Sync, Aerosmith and Britney Spears, all on the screen at once. Fortunately, I had a spoon in my hand, and I shoved it up my ass. Why, you might ask. To distract me from the pain. If I'm going to hurt that much, I'm going to do it to myself. Oprah calls that empowerment."

Awesome :-)

The Terminal

2004-06-20T12:42:00.000-07:00

I went into this movie expecting the most saccharine and sappy of Spielberg films. The Terminal looks, in tone and feel, similar to Catch Me If You Can, the previous Spielberg outing that I didn't particularly enjoy.

The problem is a simple one. Spielberg, while extremely talented, is one of the most sentimental directors working in Hollywood. This is evident in even his greatest works, E.T., Saving Private Ryan, and Schindler's List, where he cannot resist tugging (or, more often, jerking) at our heartstrings. Lately, though, he's been trying to prove that he's grown up and can deal with darker, more cynical issues. Thus his recent films, AI and Minority Report, are far from the innocent sci-fi world of E.T.

Annoyingly, though, his sentimental side still intrudes all the time, especially at the end. AI, for example, was a masterpiece of set design, special effects, beautiful direction and foreboding darkness. Until, that is, the horribly contrived and sugary ending. Minority Report, too, was brilliant; the showdown with Leo Crow proves Spielberg to be unparalleled when he's not distracted by his sentimental tendencies. Yet the ending takes an odd, obligatory and unnecessary turn toward the optimistic, and he again ruined an otherwise wonderful movie.

Catch Me If You Can was an interesting case, a mix of darkness and innocence, and marks the first time (in recent years) Spielberg is trying directly to make a comedy. Unfortunately, he's not very good at it; I didn't find a single funny moment in the film (though there were various witty ones). And I was strongly repelled by the "poignant" scenes (like when his father asks him in a bar, in reference to an earlier scene, "Where are you going today? Somewhere fancy?"). All in all, it was not a very tasty brew.

Which brings us back to The Terminal, another "light-hearted comedy". And, much to my surprise, it worked. The dialogue is still (as it often is in Spielberg films) stilted and forced, full of purpose and clamoring to make a point. But the comedy this time worked. This is probably more due to Tom Hanks than Spielberg's direction; Hanks turns in a performance so sympathetic, lovable and subtle that it's hard not to be constantly impressed. His comic timing is dead-on, and his physical slapstick performance is perfect as well.

The film is, appropriately, not as pretty to look at as his previous films, though it's still gorgeous. Spielberg's favorite cinematographer, Janusz Kaminski, who also worked on AI, Minority Report, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, etc., brings his usual palette of shining metallic surfaces and overpowering lights to the picture. Whereas they were distracting in Catch Me If You Can (made that movie seem bigger and less intimate that it should be), here it works to make the airport at once alien and beautiful to behold. Though his fondness for strong backlighting is starting to annoy me, there is one scene during a proposal that is so visually stunning that I let out a cry of joy (to the dismay of everyone else).

So there, I liked it. It has its flaws (especially the dialogue), but I give Spielberg another passing grade. And I can't wait when he finally, really grows up.

I need fried rice

2004-06-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

Many of you know of my unhealty addiction to TC Garden's BBQ pork fried rice. That's the problem with Redmond -- none such exists.

It's weird. I've been to a Thai Ginger and a Golden Chopsticks. Both are restaurants you immediately recognize as not Thai nor Chinese. They both have very hip decorations, with cool stylish lights and tables. The walls are dotted with some highly fetishized, highly stylized Asian -- or, more exactly, "oriental" -- items like a big golden Chinese character, fans, a dragon, etc. This is not Thai or Chinese -- this is what Americans perceive as Thai or Chinese. And it's disgusting.

As is the food. My $8 fried rice that I ordered from both places are twice as expensive and half as good as that from TC Garden. The Thai place is better, but who the hell puts broccoli in fried rice? The chinese place was just abysmal with dry pork and too much salt. Bleh.

I need a good, cheap, authentic chinese restaurant. For those of you not in the know, here's how you can tell:

Americanized Chinese Restaurant	Authentic Chinese Restaurant
has cool stylish lights hanging from the ceiling	has flickering fluorescent lights about to fall off the ceiling
has stylish furniture that you can buy from IKEA	has broken tables that dance to your eating rhythm
clean, pleasant tabletops	why do you think they give you napkins?
has orange chicken as top menu item	laughs at you when you order orange chicken
white waitress	what waitress?
expensive as hell	slightly cheaper than hell
tastes like wood	tastes like properly spiced wood

God how I long for a real chinese restaurant! I miss California.

harry potter & co

2004-06-16T18:49:00.000-07:00

The new Harry Potter movie, Prisoner of Azkaban, I should note, is the best so far. Yes, it fulfills the promise of being darker and more menacing. But even more, the director this time around, Alfonso Cuaron (of "Y Tu Mama Tambien" and "A Little Princess" fame) is just that much more skilled and subtle than the sledgehammer that is the helmer of the previous outings -- Chris Columbus (of "Home Alone" and, dear God, "Bicentennial Man" and "Stepmom" fame -- though, to be fair, he also made the great Mrs. Doubtfire).

Having created the lovely "A Little Princess" -- one of the best movies of its kind -- Cuaron obviously knows how to work with kids. And the poignant "Y Tu Mama Tambien" proves that he can capture the sensitivities of teenagers. Thus, the characters do more now than just spewing off exposition; they stare into space, look off to the side, turn their backs and go into subtle, quiet rage. It's a much more interesting performance from everyone.

The movie is such a gigantic production that it's hard to credit the incredibly beautiful set designs and perfect special effects to Cuaron. However, he is certainly responsible for the nimble camera work, constantly in motion without being schizophrenic. He also knows exactly when to pull the camera afar to show the characters in their lonely isolation. Many times, I felt a sudden and strong emotional connection completely due to a camera angle change.

And ah, there it is. Emotional connection. This is something that the first two movies lacked, where I never ceased being amazed by the story and the sets but couldn't feel anything beyond the perfunctory plot devices. Here, it works; even the sugary scenes, damn it!

It's not perfect, of course. It still feels too much like a book, and scenes still only extend far enough to expose plot points (rather than letting moods and emotions set in). I would love to see a three-hour version of the film, where Cuaron can work under less damning time constraints. Regardless, this is a wonder of a movie, and one that might make my year-end list.

By the way, my year-end list for 2004 so far:

1. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
2. Dogville
3. Kill Bill, Vol. 2
4. Harry Potter 3
5. Shrek 2

Not a very good list yet, though more are coming...

more recycled song goodness

2004-06-12T17:24:00.000-07:00

You know you want another crappy song.

the kindly forgotten

did you come to save me
from my stubborn reflection
drowning in math and apple pies
gasping for carbon dioxide
or will you just pass me by?

will you take me away
to a place I don't exist
chained to the swimming pool fences
freed from my self-defenses
or will you just pass me by?

but my head is buried in the snow-white sand
and I can't stand up
but my mind is locked up in the moral bank
and I can't wake up

could you hear me whispering
from the pedestal I built
reaching for the lies in your face
wishing for one last embrace
or will you just pass me by?

but my head is buried in the snow-white sand
and I can't stand up
but my mind is locked up in the moral bank
and I can't wake up

I thought you were different
but now I'm not so sure
I thought you were different
but you're just like everyone else
you can barely save yourself

and so you pass me by
and so you pass me by

still my head is buried in the snow-white sand
and I can't stand up
and my mind is locked up in the moral bank
so I can't wake up
I can't wake up

another recycled song

2004-06-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

More cheese, please.

blue skies

why are you still here
whispering into my ears
why do you still bring back
colors of skies into my bed

I used to know what to say
though never knew what to do
but I can't wise up
so I can't keep up

you fly past the wind
but the sky is too blue
it blocks my view
of you

I can't see you anymore
through the midnight window
running down the street
in the then-come soft rain

so I slowly put my dreams
in a crumbled paper bag
and quickly flush it down
the ever-forgiving drains

as you fly past the wind
still the sky is too blue
it blocks my view
of you

I don't feel you anymore
just a shadow in my bathroom
brushing your long hair
washing your sad face
drying your dried tears
singing your soft song
that I can't remember anymore
I can't remember anymore

and things get fuzzy

2004-06-08T19:13:00.000-07:00

It seems inevitable. While this summer is not nearly as bad as last, when I lived by myself alone while interning for IBM, it seems that whenever I venture far from the people I know, my thoughts turn toward the abstract. It's not like I prefer it; I'd rather think of concrete things like ice cream or girls or girls in ice cream.

How about this, then: a girl is stuck under a mountain of strawberry ice cream after a most unfortunate avalanche. She must eat her way out before she freezes to death in the sea of deliciousness. In the process, she realizes that she's lived her life wrong -- an underachievement of happiness, overabundance of work, under-consideration of love, over-emphasis on ice cream. In the process, she also realizes that it's not ice cream, but worms, and that she's been eating her way out of a mountain of worms. But before she is able to spit out a mouthful of worm parts, she freezes to death. The angels come from the skies and cry for her, erecting a statue in her image. Then I come into the picture, and start humping the statue.

I'm frankly waiting for the next Great American novel to flow through me any day now.

recycled song

2004-06-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

As you know, I doodle and write on my notepad (during lectures) a lot. Most of them are nonsensical, but some are phrases I liked. I found that I could just collect them and arrange them into bad songs. For example, here's one:

stuck

you stop at the fading corner
I can see it in your eyes
you're not coming back
buried head and broken fingers
blood-soaked chicken noodle soup
you're not coming back

but you were never back

you swim around the ocean edge
and look for signs of despair
but it's not there
so you pedal harder toward infinity
in search of blue-dyed eyes
but I'm not there

cos I was never there

so we step into the astral car
locked and weighed to the ocean floor
but we're still lost
and we walk along the purple pavement
screaming for a purple dream
but we're still lost

cos we were never here
we were never here

Useless song-writing for dummies.

my A-

2004-06-01T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well then, it finally happened. I got my first A-. In my great Bergman class too, no less. I've always thought I'd feel relieved when I finally shed myself the burden of carrying my GPA around. But really, just blind panic. Relief will probably set in after my midlife crisis. What a bummer.

Naturally I sent in a grading complaint immediately, not exactly begging for reconsideration, but requesting for explanation. I got this email in response:

Dear Chung,

It was a good thing you inquired, because I did make a small clerical error in the calculation of your grade, and when I corrected it, you were brought up to an A. I will have to file a grade change form, which I will pursue today. I apologize for the error. One thing I should mention; though you had perfect attendance, you didn't have an A for attendance and participation, because you elected not to participate for the most part. I calculate that grade on the basis of both attendance and participation in discussion. But you achieved something on the final that only one other person did -- you got 100%! So you certainly earned your A in the course.

To quote someone, "silly humanities classes!"

crusin' for bruisin'

2004-05-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

And so ends my cruise vacation in the Caribbean. I guess it was okay.

First stop was Labadee, Haiti. Apparently, the cruise company rented out a section of the country for our pleasurable use. That alone is pretty sickening, but juxtapose our private haven in the second-poorest country in the world against the recent uprising in Haiti (that doesn't effect us, we're told), and it's outright disgusting.

Climbing a waterfall in Jamaica was interesting if the place weren't completely filled with other people. And snorkeling in Haiti and Mexico was okay, though not as impressive as Hawaii.

I was blown away by Grand Cayman though; just absolutely stunning. The Seven Mile Beach is easily the most beautiful beach I've been to; the crystal clear ocean water against snow-white sand extends all the way to the horizon in mixtures of light blue and aqua. There were barely any waves, and even less people. We found a secluded spot with shallow water and no one else; it was like the perfect swimming pool stretched to infinity.

We also went to see the famous Stingray Island there, where decades of feeding the creatures have made them rather docile. We went into a shallow sand patch in the middle of the ocean, a spot crawling with people. Our guide went and caught a stingray, and brought it back for us to caress. It was a tender and loving experience with plenty of touching involved. I tried to ask for its phone number, but it said it's busy this Friday.

Being on the boat itself is a rather bland experience. Cruise vacations, I suppose, are for people who 1) likes to party and 2) goes to parties. I do neither, and as my typical self, I observe but don't participate in the fun. The trip marks the extremely rare occasion of me going to the gym three times in a week, so you can imagine.

Having so many people serving you food and cleaning your room is also a bizarre and not entirely pleasant experience. Can we be any more upper-middle class? I couldn't stand it. At least the food was great, but there was way too much of it. We were fed like cattle at designated hours, except our slaughter is delayed till hell (and rest assured we are going to hell for this). There's a chapel here providing Sunday service; at least some people are feeling guilty.

I hear the leftover food are chopped up and dropped into the ocean for the fish. This means that there are fish who live on a steady diet of beef. How's that for messing up the ecosystem.

The ship is also one of the whitest spaces I've been to. You can count the number of Asian families on your hands. This put me in a rather self-conscious position; everyone assumes I cannot speak English. They probably also think I eat their first-born sons, though I actually prefer daughters. Ah, we funny Asians in a white men's world, doing white men's stuff and eating white men's food. Welcome to the upper society, punks. Boy did I feel out of place.

In conclusion, cruise vacations are boring if you're not on your honeymoon with five hundred bucks a day to spend on alcohol. And your wife better be hot too.

2004-05-20T23:04:00.000-07:00

A friend envisions a future where cars can read your mind, know where you want to go, and take you there. I think it'd be just too embarrassing when my car keeps stopping in front of the strip club.

My Tirade Against Finals

2004-05-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

Well, so I've decided to be less clever with my blogs so that there will be some blogs. From now on, only mundane, boring ramblings from a cranky guy.

Do I have to rant about finals? Let me rant about finals.

We know that we forget the specifics of what we learn immediately. Such is the nature of memory. Yet this does not invalidate education; the details are lost, but the broad concepts stay. The point of education, then, is to train us to be able to pick up any concept easily at any point, when we need it. Pity be they engaged in majors like biology, where there are no broad concepts and only details.

Too many people forget this. We're not in school to learn; we're in school to learn how to learn, to develop the discipline to learn. That we have to choose a major is merely a dose of reality, the necessity of a job after we graduate, and the impatience of employers to train people from the ground up.

Unfortunately, of the people who lose sight of this, professors are among the most prominent. Those requiring students to remember every detail for the sake of remembrance forget the purpose of education and must be subjected to re-enacting a scene from Pulp Fiction. We all know which scene I'm talking about.

The mythical "final" then is a pointless, clinical requirement for you to recall one last time details that you've acquired from the semester, for no specific need whatsoever. It flies against the very idea of education altogether. It is a selfish, narcissistic act on the test-giver's part, and a useless, futile struggle against human memory on the student's part.

Should you, then, refuse to take your finals on these grounds? Only if you're a dumbass.

Oscar predicts

2004-02-28T00:37:00.000-08:00

All right, sorry for the non-updates, but here's the obligatory Oscar predicts:

Best Picture
1. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
2. Mystic River
3. Master and Commander
4. Seabiscuit
5. Lost in Translation

Has this race ever been so boring? Unfortunately, the sensationalist ROTK looks like it has a solid lock on the prize. And it's just impossible to convince the fans that the trilogy just isn't that great. It takes so much organization skills, don't you know. It's such a product of love, can't you see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I'm pretty ambivalent of all the nominees this year; I found nothing impressive about Master and Commander or Seabiscuit, and I liked, but did not love, Mystic River and Lost in Translation. Had City of God been nominated here, that's what I'd be rooting for... But one can only dream.

Best Director:
1. Peter Jackson, Return of the King
2. Clint Eastwood, Mystic River
3. Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
4. Peter Weir, Master and Commander
5. Fernando Meirelles, City of God

Another one that ROTK has locked up. A shame, too -- if there's a technical, organizational award, I wouldn't hesitate giving it to Peter Jackson. But as directors go, Fernando Meirelles is my definite favorite. Too bad. Peter Jackson will go on and win the gold, and follow it up with the remake of King Kong. In that movie, it's rumored that the actor who played Legolas, Orlando Bloom will play King Kong, and will once again defy gravity by running up the side of an elephant. The elephant falls over and dies, killing hundreds. Meanwhile, King Kong will battle Godzilla, whose remake will follow the remake of King Kong, also helmed by Peter Jackson. He will then go on to adapt other great literary works such as Scooby Doo 3: The Return of Scooby. Scooby Doo will be played by Orlando Bloom's left hand. I hate ROTK.

Best Actor:
1. Bill Murray, Lost in Translation
2. Sean Penn, Mystic River
3. Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean
4. Ben Kingsley, House of Sand and Fog
5. Jude Law, Cold Mountain

This is the race to watch come Oscar night. Sean Penn was what everyone was predicting (especially given that wonderful TIME article on Penn). But Lost In Translation, the absolute critics darling this year, has been gathering an incredible amount of steam, and since it's not going to win best picture or best director, this seems like the best place to award the film. Plus, Bill Murray does turn in a wonderfully understated performance. The wild card, of course, is Johnny Depp, with his shocking SAG win. Could it be that Murray and Penn are splitting votes so much that a third person -- Depp or Kingsley -- will pull an upset? Remember, last year, Jack Nicholson and Daniel Day-Lewis were thought to be the winners, but because of the standstill, Adrien Brody snuck in and took the gold. Could happen again. Or, Depp may be taking votes mostly from Murray, leaving the door open for Penn...

Best Actress
1. Charlize Theron, Monster
2. Keisha Castle Hughes, Whale Rider
3. Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
4. Naomi Watts, 21 Grams
5. Samantha Morton, In America

There's just no question here -- Charlize Theron turned in one of the most powerful and devastating performances of the history of cinema, and easily blew away everyone else. Yes, Diane Keaton was really wonderful in Something's Gotta Give, but she already has an Oscar. Keisha Castle Hughes has all the buzz for being the youngest best actress nominee ever, but not enough to overcome the front runner.

Best Supporting Actor:
1. Tim Robbins, Mystic River
2. Alec Baldwin, The Cooler**
3. Djimon Hounsou, In America
4. Benicio Del Toro, 21 Grams *
5. Ken Watanabe, The Last Samurai

You'd have to be stupid to bet on anything else. Tim Robbins, not Sean Penn, stole the show in Mystic River, and for good reasons.

Best Supporting Actress:
1. Renee Zellweger, Cold Mountain
2. Patricia Clarkson, Pieces of April
3. Shohreh Aghdashloo, House of Sand and Fog
4. Marcia Gay Harden, Mystic River
5. Holly Hunter, Thirteen

It's her third time in a row being nominated; it's time. Though I don't particularly like Renee Zellweger (nor did I watch Cold Mountain), I don't have trouble giving the gold to her. Look for an upset coming from Shohreh Aghdashloo, though -- she did an amazing job in House of Sand and Fog.

Screenplay - Adapted
1.Mystic River, Brian Helgeland
2. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, Walsh, Boyens, Jackson
3. Seabiscuit, Gary Ross
4. City of God, Braulio Mantovani
5. American Splendor, Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini

Another one that ROTK seems to dominate in. People do respect Mystic River a lot though, so here might be where they reward it. But people also love Seabiscuit (for God knows why), so I'll go out on a limb and predict that. Plus, the plot was probably the weakest part of Mystic River (and let's not get into the so-called plot of ROTK)

Original Screenplay
1. Lost in Translation, Sofia Coppola
2. In America, Jim Sheridan and daughters
3. Finding Nemo, Andrew Stanton
4. Barbarian Invasions, Denys Arcand
5. Dirty Pretty Things, Stephen Knight

This is Coppola's to lose. Having been robbed the director award by Peter Jackson, here she will find her consolation. Plus, screenplay awards are usually reserved for films that people like a lot, but not quite commercial enough to win best film (case in point: Pulp Fiction)

Animated Feature
1. Finding Nemo
2. The Triplets of Belleville
3. Brother Bear

Do we really have to guess? It'd be amusing to see Triplets of Belleville -- one of the quirkiest, most charming movies this year -- win, just as Spirited Away triumphantly did last year. But it has no chance -- it is French.

Too lazy to do the rest, but I'll conclude that City of God has an excellent chance of winning Best Editing and Best Cinematography -- over ROTK. Both editing and cinematography are amazing in that film, and are easily the best I've seen this year. Also, I think it's very, very interesting that the Matrix films did not get nominated even for the Visual F/X category. Instead, Master and Commander and Pirates of Caribbeans fill the spots.

arrug

2004-02-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

does no one think I can be angry? I'm through with being nice.

The Secret To My Happiness

2004-01-15T22:03:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, people ask me, "Didn't you get my restraining order against you?" Other times, they ask, "Why are you always so happy, your blogs so free of cynicism?"

Am I showered with riches, goodwill and women? Is Canada a country? Of course not. But I have my methods; and because I'm so giving, I'm going to share my secrets with you unfortunate, pessimistic souls. Here's my simple, fool-proof, five-step program to waking up with a smile on your face every morning.

Step 1: When you wake up in the morning, think to yourself, "I am at ease. My toes are in harmony. I feel the rhythm of life. That loud noise is not a bulldozer tearing down my house." Then, run out the door and stop the bulldozer before your house collapses on you. Repeat for two weeks.

Step 2: When you wake up, think to yourself, "I am one with myself. I am at peace. My breathing is calm and my heart still. These are really cute termites." Then, get out of the house before it collapses, and borrow your neighbor's phone to call the exterminator. Your neighbor will ask for a convenience fee; this will either be ten dollars, your stamp collection or that mole on your face. Pay it; it's worth it. Repeat for two weeks.

Step 3: When you wake up, say to yourself, "I am at a beautiful place. I am surrounded by beautiful things. I am comforted by a warm breeze. I can see brilliant lights shining before me." Then, reach for the phone and call the fire department. Oh yeah, and get out of the house before it collapses. Repeat for two weeks.

Step 4: When you wake up in the morning, if you are still not smiling at this point, then massage your face gently. If that fails, lightly tap your face to loosen your facial muscles. If you still have a frown, start slapping yourself hard, and keep doing so until you start smiling or pass out from pain. Should you succeed, get out of the house before it collapses. This should be common sense by now. Repeat until you wake up smiling.

Step 5: At this point, you should already be properly conditioned to smile every morning. You should also be living in a cardboard box, whose collapse will only cause a small annoyance and not certain death. Congratulations! You are on your way to being a fitter, healthier, and happier being.

Do not doubt me; my program is proven to work. Thousands of people, after following this program to the letter, have gone from hating their lives to hating me. Try it, and next time you see me, don't forget to thank me with a smile!

so once and for all...

2004-01-12T11:07:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, people ask me, "What are you doing naked on my lawn?". Other times, they also ask, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?". The two questions are not related.

Those who ask the latter question often helpfully offer some explanations for my bachelor status. These explanations are usually of these two kinds:

1. I'm gay.
2. I'm a homosexual.

Well, I'm happy to report that, indeed, I am not gay nor a homosexual, thanks to Billy's Shock Therapy Booth. From now on, please come up with fresher, more intelligent explanations, like "I'm too busy", "No girl will ever measure up to my mother", or "Girls have cooties". Thank you.

of God and churches

2004-01-09T14:45:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, God existed before Christianity was invented as a get-rich-quick scheme. Apparently, church goers are expected to donate some ten percent of their income along with their first born sons (daughters they're free to keep, though most do not). This can be a rather lucrative venture, especially since many Christians are blessed with the ability to turn trash into cash (like the talent hunt responsible for Britney Spears).

I've heard some people talk about setting up a church, hiring a minister and simply living off the donation, of which, I'm assured, there will be plenty. But just think: what would God think of them? And more important, will they provide free parking on weekdays? I asked God these difficult questions, and He told me to bet on black 29.

Shakage

2004-01-08T23:47:00.000-08:00

Next time you shake your shoulders at me, please at least put on some clothes.