me talk one day

Yeah, it's been a while.

I am currently a victim of a series of impeccably timed mistakes, all small but fatal. I had decided that today -- yes, today! -- would be the day when I finally work on my personal statement. I had been asking around for a nice cafe for this purpose, and was recommended this one. Unfortunately, I had been running my laptop without recharging it for a while -- my first mistake. I didn't realize that there are no power outlets in this cafe for my laptop -- my second mistake. I ordered a hot cup of coffee -- my third mistake. And I didn't bring anything but my laptop with me -- my forth mistake.

And so here I am, sitting at my table, with my laptop about to run out of power in 30 minutes, a cup of coffee too hot for me to gulp down, and nothing else for me to do. At last, the only productive thing to work on is writing a draft for this blog entry. And so here it is.

And yes, it's been a while.

Clearly, I'm terrible at this blogging thing -- only in the most unfortunate of circumstances do I grudgingly write up an entry. Yet there is little for me to write about, my daily details too mundane, creative writing too time-consuming (and its stench too relentless). Nowadays, I can barely formulate a proper sentence without giving myself a hernia, my thoughts too jumbled and abstract to be tied down in words (at least, by a writer as terrible and lazy as myself). I have thought much, but mostly of tree structures in javascript, of things I should be doing but aren't, of the never-ending backlog of things I need to get to but won't. It's been exhausting.

And it's been like that for a while.

In situations like this, you wonder why you're so much more stressed out than you really need to be. But when all the answers you can find are unsatisfactory, behind them lurking the promise of this lasting into eternity, you get more stressed out. You tell yourself that it'll be better after the next milestone, and it does, but only until another milestone looms on the horizon. The milestones make for neat paper weights, paper or otherwise, and you watch, without much pride, as they build slowly into a very tall tombstone.

I just realized that a blank piece of paper invites me to think somber thoughts. It's the middle-class my-life-is-so-tragic symdrome. Also, I didn't even bring a power cable with me, so scratch the no-power-outlet mistake, and substitute in this one.

Perhaps that's why it's been such a while.